Is it wrong that I'd rather be abused physically than yelled at?
My parents would hit me when I was a child. Mainly it was when my dad was drunk or after they'd have a fight, if I was near them or something wasn't done right, I'd take a beating. I didn't mind taking a beating and sitting quietly. I would start crying if it made my parents feel like they did a better job in repremanding me...but as I grow older and I have friendships and my parents have gotten over their anger problems/alcoholism, people yell at me rather than hit me. But when they yell at me, it seems everything inside of my breaks. I cry uncontrollably and I sometimes won't talk for days at a time.
I've talked to a few professionals around and I just don't feel any better after talking about it, but I don't think there's a medication for it.
I don't know if there's something wrong with me because of this.
I am a 18 year old female named nichole and I want to say ...
Okay, theres this guy i dated and he totally ignored me after i broke up with him. So anyways he told my ex i was cheating on him so my ex broke up with me.Now he likes me and i think he's tryin to get back with me.
I find myself running away a lot, from my friends, my schooling, my work, but I found something that helps. Its something I know everyone does. I have finally found something that helps stabalize my emotions and thoughts, and helps me focus and be creative all at the same time. I wouldn't call it a miracle solution by far, but its done wonders for me. Being diagnosed bipolar i'm always on medication but the undesirble consequences such as weight gain, and sexual disfunction, sent me even further into an emotional rollercoaster. On top of that I didnt' even feel human anymore,my emotions were slaves to a red pill, and a white pill, everything that affected me didnt' feel real and raw like emotion should feel. All any of the medication made me was content, not happy. I will say that the problems such as depression and anger vanished, but the meds brought on a whole new set of dysfunctions. So I stopped my meds and started a new treatment, a treatment that grounded me and made me feel happy, yet not emotionless. I smoke pot, about everyday, not much mind you, just enough to get me going on whatever i need to do. I've been using pot recreationally for a few years and medically in the past 7 or 8 months (without other forms of meds) It works for me, to some i sound like i'm wasting my life on drugs. But how are the other prescribed drugs any different, and why should I be persecuted for trying to persue happiness with the help of a leaf. I can finally start accomplishing my goals, I'm in college, working on becoming an English major. I stand by the fact that my approach is more natural, therefore its adverse affects are limited compared to popping 300 mg of happy pills everyday, just so you can make it through life. I'm more relaxed and have more direction, i'm more focused on my goals, I dont have suicidal thoughts and I'm hardly ever sad much less depressed. Life has so much more meaning for me now. I want to say that I don't feel it will work for everyone, everybody's body chemistry is different. But when your options start running out and pills and consueling aren't enough, realise there are more options, but remember my option is still illeagel.
People care too much about what other people think about them. Why have we grown into a world like this? Why is it so hard to just live your life and not have to worry about what people are going to say or think... WHO CARES ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Live your own life don't live somebody elses for them!
Everyone, relax. Yes, the world is going to hell, and yes, we are all going with it. But we're all in this together. Chill. If you have to smoke a joint to be happy, if you have to drink, if you have to go bang a different goddamn girl every night because some chick fucked you over, if the love of your life dies tomorrow- relax. Unwind. We're in a burning house, but goddamn if that isn't the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen.
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