I am so angry with you! I always imagined being married and so faithful, until the day I caught you cheating on me. I learned that this was not just a one time thing but it played over and over again.
The anger drove me into getting revenge. Taking care of the kids cooking and cleaning paying attention to you. I found my self making up excuses why I am late. And telling you I am going to my mother's or my girlfriend's house. These were all the same excuses you gave me. That's why I started going out with other men. I had sex with them and got my revenge. That's what runs through my mind when they are getting me getting undressed, or when I feel their hands on my body and their manhood inside me. I do things with them that I never did with you. I am their total slut and rock their world.
What once seemed so wrong has become so right for me...and you lie there on the couch watching TV have no idea what I'm doing.
When I watch the news or read stories on this site about things like bullying, gang rape, and cheating, it makes me sneer with disgust. I read and hear stories of people who are stripped against their will in public, beaten or raped, and there is always someone who sees it and doesn't stop it. In fact, they'll usually laugh or encourage it. It angers me beyond belief how people can laugh while someone in front of them is losing their innocence and is in pain and afraid for their life. These sick ****s don't realize that it's not just some show for your entertainment, and that that's a real person being attacked. I just turn beserk when I hear of these instances, and want to kill the people who do these things. I wish I could be there moments before it happened and kill every single one of them. The attackers, the "innocent" bystanders who laughed and didn't get help. And then I want to walk up to the victim, give them a hug, and tell them it will be alright.
A little over seven months ago, my husband and I returned home after work. When we walked in, four guys were inside the house, robbing the place. We caught them by surprise, but two of them grabbed my husband, pushed him to the ground and began kicking him. One of them grabbed me and pushed me against a wall. We were both tied up with some cord and thrown into the front room.
While one guy watched us, the other three went through all the rooms in the house filling up pillow cases with our stuff. After about half an hour, all four were with us in the room. Two of them began whispering to each other and laughing. These two walked over to me, pulled me off the chair by my hair and ripped off my blouse. My husband tried to get up and help me, but was punched in the face. With two of them holding me, one of them tore off my skirt and panties and started playing with me. I was then thrown on the sofa, my legs held open and raped.
Over the next hour, all four took turns raping me. My husband was forced to watch this all sitting in a chair with one of them always standing over him.
When they were all done with me, they decided to also steal our car and one of them reached into my husbands pocket to find the keys. He began laughing and pulled my husband out of the chair. He pulled down my husbands pants and boxers and told the other guys to take a look. It was obvious my husband had at least one and probably more orgasms while watching me be raped. His boxers were wet and full of cum.
They dragged my hsuabnd over to where I was on the couch and placed his head on my stomach while one last guy raped me again. When they pulled him back after the guy was done, my husband had an erection.
I cannot understand how my husband could become excited watching his wife get violently raped over and over. Both he and I have been in counselling over this incident, but I just cannot let it go. We first tried to have sex again about 3 weeks ago, but all I could think of was him gettng hard while I was being raped.
I just caught my boyfriend of three years having sex with my slut neighbor Amy. I am so pissed off and have broke it off with him. He keeps calling me saying he sorry and wants to get back together. All I want to do is get back at him. Some of my Freinds think I sould go back out with him and then sleep with all his friends while holding out on him. Would I be a slut to get back at him. Why not, he's an ******* and I want to see how he likes it. Do you think it is a good idea?
Four years ago when I was in seventh grade I remembered something that I had blocked in my mind. I rememberd that when I was in third grade, my older brother who was in fifth used to sneak into my room at night and sexually assult me. He used to tell me we were playing 'doctor' or something stupid like that. I always fell for it. He told me I couldn't tell mom because she would be angry so I didn't. I never did. I somehow feel like it's my fault. Like I should've known better, I should've known it was wrong, that what he was doing wasn't right. But I didn't know and I still haven't told my parents or let him know that I remember. I feel like what he did somehow affecting my sex life. I have sex with guys even though I don't want to. I've been raped by a friend and by my own twisted thoughts, I still talk to him. It's really bad, It's like an emotional form of cutting. Im doing it just to hurt myself and I can't stop. I can't stop because I feel like I deserve it. And I probably do, I shouldn't have let him do what he did... I was wrong.
He is a loser. I've told my family multiple times that if they didn't like him, then they don't like me. Yet he can't even tell his mother to treat me like a decent human being.
He doesn't want to hold my hand in public, even in the gay part of town yet I've had mutilple men grab my hand downtown to get my attention and ask for my number.
I have to put up with the fact that he has had sex with just about half of the gay community. Most of these guys he still keeps in conctact with, but I'm not allowed to have any guy friends.
He buys me gifts that he wants that he knows I won't accept so he can tell everyone how unappreciative I am and get a something for himself.
I love him. I love him a lot. But lately I've been trying really hard to remember why. I hope he changes soon before I have to come to terms with whether or not I'd be better off without him. :(
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