Surprise, surprise, I hate my ex. She is a vindictive, ugly and deceitful tramp. Now that we are broken up, all my friends and family told me she sucked and that my new girl is a much better person. Why did they wait 3.5 yrs to tell me this information? I am just glad that I am much better off w/o the ex-gf and that she is worse off :)
I hate myself for what I did. I liked a guy, and when he didn't write back to my letter I thought he hated me. So, I moved on. I got a boyfriend. Then I got his letter! He liked me, it said in the letter. I was so upset. Now, I am torn to the point that I hate myself. I wrote him back and told him about my boyfriend, and how I still wanted to be friends. I might even break up with my boyfriend over this. I don't know what to do. He is a sophomore is High School, I am a freshman in college. HELP!
Im scared to date. Recently i been asked out numerous times. I have even gone as far to stand men up because im just to scared to go. My ex bf Brian was totally abusive to me. Not as much physical as emotionally and sexually. He would assault me to the point that one time i tried to kill myself. He physically assautled me then so that I wouldnt. I know at that at that time i was extremely depressed and he loved that because he could just keep pushing me lower and lower. I ended up cuttin myself more than i ever have but those scars are nothing like the ones inside. So then i met a guy a few months later and he turns out to be totally controlling. Its been like this since i was 17 i have dated guys that are horrible. Well i relaized one day part of the problem was me and I have been working on raising my self esteem. Which i have i feel more confident then ever. Problem is. I still am scared to date. They guys that are decent and on a good path I feel like im not good enough for them because im 24 and only in my second year of college when many people are aready working on the career. And the guys i use to date. I run away from because im scared of them hurting me. I know alot of this is on me but im not sure how to get over the bad stuff and move on to the good. I could use soem advice.
I am a 26 year old male with the username secretdreamer and I want to say ...
what is the deal with all these f'ing emo fags they say no one understands them but yet they come from homes that have no problems in them and they have money to bye these nice cams and stuff but yet pepole dont understand them. so they they cut them selfs and write gay no one likes or understands me journal entrys. they act depressed over nothing. i should be the same way but im not considering i lived in the strets and from person to person not knowing where im going to end up next from the age of 12 all i ever had was a mom who was never there because she was to busy trying to satisfy a guy that was an *** just so she had a place to live and a father that was never there cause he was so deep into drugs that he was never there even though he was there phisicly. now how come i dont understand. how is there life realy worse then mine i dont see how. all they want is attention cause there little pansies that want an excuse as to why there so gay.
thank u eevery one that agres with me and to all u little emos out there get a f'ng life or f'ing finsh the job so i dont have to listen to you fags whine. you whine worse then homosexuals and women.
I hate being alone. I feel like I am alone, even though I live where there are tons of people around all the time, every day. And I have a great boyfriend. Great family. I feel alone, and scared.
on the 22nd of april it will be 3 years since i was raped. my mum and dad had to go away for a wedding so i had to go stay at my cousins for a week or so. previous to that they had lived in america for two years. so out visiting in australia was my uncles boss and son who was 18 at the time. over the first few days they werwe in and out visiting sites but on the 5th day my cousin had to be dropped in the city for a holiday camp she was going on. with my uncle at work and my aunt dropping my cousin in the city then going for lunch they aid that they would mind me. i got up that morning and went to have a showe. as i got out i put the towell over my face to dry it, all of a sudden i was pushed, i slipped and fell on the side of the bath and was knocked unconscious. wehn i work i was lying on my back with the boss on top of me, he told me not to scream or he would kill me. as he had his way with me he told me the reason i was here was to be fixed, cured because i was broken he told me my parents wanted this he told me id been bad. at the time i was only 13 so i was still a virgin so the pain made me cry he took this as defeat and went haerder and harder till he came. after he pulled out he slapped me and told me i was a discusting and beyond help he told me my parents would be so dissappointed and my friends would hate me he said for my parents sake he was willing ot to tell anyone how i was too "broken" to fix. he made me lick the cum off him and left. i went back into the shower made it boinling till it burned got in and cried for an hour. the next night, my last night there i woke up on my stomache stied to the bed with a sock in my mouth. somewhere behind me i heard the boss say his son was willing to have a go at "fixing me" for my sake. his son entered me from behind this time up my a*se the pain was unbearable and i .tried to scream but it was left unanswered. it was the longest night of my life as each of them raped me again and again.
the way ive written just then makes it sound like i dont care, but the damaged he caused is irreprable. no one knows, and i keep my secret well hidden but since then i have tried suicide 3 times, cut myself, burn myself. i get something like 19 hours of sleep a week and often have to drink at night to calm myself down. im scarred forever and scared forever. i have slept with numerous guys in order to "fix myself" i cant help but believe him. 3 days ago i got an email with an attachment, it took me about 10 seconds figure out what the video was showing. it was me tied to a bed i shut it off before i saw any more. the reason i wrote this is just to get it out. ive tried everthing else to try get the pain out nothing works. sorry this is so long ive cut it down about a 1000 times. i put this in the hate category because i am overwhelmed with hate. hate for them and hate for myself.
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