it's really nice to be called an anonymous coward by a random website.
really helps the self esteem.
before i start
may i say thank you for reading this.
and even more thanks if you comment it.
anyway...
for the past five years
life hasn't been so great.
but the past 7 months have been even worse.
2008 just doesn't seem to be my year.
my friends have pretty much abandoned me.
excuse me...
i mean "friends"
they still act like "friends"
sometimes.
of course the fact that they call me a satanist doesn't help.
expecilaly when they don't have a clue.
they're too wrapped up in their boyfriends
of course they're probably pregnant by now.
and they are some of the biggest hippocrits ever.
of course i don't know why i expect them to be any different.
everyone else around here is like that.
and they hate when you tell them the truth.
that's probably why they don't like me.
oh well.
i'd rather be a loner i suppose.
my family isn't any better.
dad's never home.
when he is, he's never sober.
mom's... well...
she's never sober either.
my grandma thinks i'm satan.
hmm...
that word seems to be floating around me a lot.
my step grandfather scares me.
he looks at me in that "i'm gonna molest you" kinda way.
so whenever he's here
i go somewhere else.
and he follows me.
i'm the black sheep in my family
because i would much rather live in a city.
oh well.
whether they want to admit it or not
i'm not living here when i get older.
never.
no one down here has half a brain.
sorry
but they don't.
they're more worried about making themselves look better than everyone else.
another good reason to be a loner.
i'm a girl
and i must say that i absolutely hate girls.
i can understand why guys call them confusing.
i don't see how you could get any kind of...
"joy"
out of putting your best friend down.
whatever.
i don't trust anyone anyway.
well...
there's one guy...
notice i said guy.
of course i probably shouldn't trust him.
but i do.
i hate people my age.
i can't fit in here.
so i won't try anymore.
i mean if people feel the need to talk about me
i might as well give them something to talk about.
that's true.
i guess that's about it...
yeah.
thanks for reading.
i feel beter now.
i'm off to go take pictures of a peach.
goodbye.
<3
I am a 16 year old female with the username tRIPTHUNDEr and I want to say ...
Over the course of three months, I've managed to isolate myself from everyone once close to me.
Nobody really knows what's been going on with me as of late, and none have bothered themselves enough to pipe up.
I don't have any good friends anymore. Or any friends at all, for that matter. And I seem to be incapable of making new ones. The last decent conversation I had was yesterday, with a middle-aged woman. People such as her are so much more fascinating than obnoxious brats my age. But I'm positive that no adults care to seek friendship in children like me.
I look at myself in the mirror these days, and honestly I don't see what they see. I guess it's because my own self-peception is really screwed up because of my past and how I was raised. I was abused a lot as s kid. All kinds of abuse in fact. All just bad memories I need to let go of.
Some of the times I did deserve to get beat but some of the times things went too far and I guess it's catching up to me. It's just, I'm tired when I get taken advantage of and when it happens, I find myself in recluse. I just want to break the cycle. I heard violence only begets more violence and I just want it to stop before it becomes a part of me in the future.
I was exposed to a lot at such a young age and it's now I look back and I see that it's what made me who I am today. All I can do now is change myself for the better. I didn't like who I was back in high school. I wasn't bullied by anyone really. Well, girls were the only ones who bullied me really. Everyone else was pretty cool. And yeah, I beat myself up over stupid little things from the past. Letting go of the past is something I need to do. It's really difficult because it's all I have. I think I had a bad case of separation anxiety when I was little.
So yeah, I'm just trying to get over things in the past and move on. They slow me down and I'm a fast paced dude. So thanks to the people who made this site for making my day and upcoming days a whole lot better. I can honestly breathe easier now.
I am a 21 year old female named Katie and I want to say ...
My entire life, well, mostly childhood, I was an extremely angry, upset, depressed kid. I was a crab! My mom even made me a crab costume for Halloween because she thought the costume “fit” me so well. Hah… now there have been a lot of people that do not believe me when I talk about spending my young years very unhappy. Well, take a look: http://katiekoala.com/me.html (don’t worry, it’s harmless).
I am allergic to latex, lavender, lactose, sulfa, and I’ve even been diagnosed by my DOCTOR as being allergic to spring. I’m also allergic to the AIR at Disneyland! Crazy. I have rapid cycling bi-polar disorder. I have mania. I have major depression. I have a hyper-thyroid that developed because of my anger problem, and because of my hyper-thyroid, it’s hard to sleep because my heart is beating so fast and if I DO get any sleep, I have the most frightening dreams you could ever imagine. Seriously.
I am addicted to meth and in rehab for it. My boyfriend for 2 years is in juvenile hall for possession of it. I hate rehab so freaking much. All my life people have always tried to get me a counselor or a psychologist but all of them,… the doctors, the counselors,.. are baffled by me. For one thing, physically, my body is insane! I had to go to the doctor everyday for a while, and, im NOT joking, literally my weight for one day would be 98, then the next 105, then the next 103, then the next 95,… the doctor kept weighing me, checking to see if the scale worked, etc, because its supposedly impossible for your weight to change that rapidly. Another thing: Im 17, and occasionally, I will shrink! Ill be 5’2” one day, then 5’1” the next, and this is when im measured barefoot. The chiropractor thought it was my spine but he was wrong. But after all of this, the thing that I hate, is that people KEEP TRYING TO FIGURE ME OUT!!! OH MY GOSH!! I don’t even understand myself at ALL. No one is every going to understand me, so would ya just leave me alone and let me be! :(
I prefer to be alone. I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life until I fell in love at age 16. It sucks. Love is a weakness! It actually HURTS to lie to him… this is highly unusual because all my life I’ve been a horrible, horrible, liar, cheater, stealer, you name it. But now, I find myself having to forcibly become a better person because my old ways aren’t working! I love fighting. I love yelling and screaming and making people feel horrible. With him, I start yelling, and in a few moments I start to CRY!! WHATS UP WITH THAT!?! It sucks! Of course no one knows this about me except him. Everyone thinks I can be trusted. Whenever ANYTHING bad happens, no one (not the teacher, the students, no one) suspects me. But now I’ve become more honest…
well i was born in 1989 and my dad never wanted me, but after i was born he discided he wanted me!
he was always horrible to my mum infront of me threating her and when it came to her birthday or christmas he would not get her any thing!!
my dad got the family into serious dept problems!
when i ws 10 my mum had to go to court over a speeding fine, that morning a policeman came to the door to tell me and my dad that my mum took her own life!
a month after my mums furneal he found a new women and she moved in my mums house 2 months after she died, she seemed nice, but then after a few weeks she started stealing christmas preaents and money from me, also calling me thick and saying that my dad is selfish and doesnt love me.
within 2 years of them being married and suffering the mental abuse me dad divorsed her after she got grunk and split his lip open!
two days after they split up my dad moved in with another women, the divorce was difficult as she took my dad for everything!
a year on my dad has married this other women, she seems quite nice!
but i feel alone as my dad never talks about my mum to me and if i try he tells me why do i have to bring it up and to leave her in the past!
i dont know how to talk to my dad as we are growing further and further apart!
i dont want to loose my dad but i cant leave the memory of my mum in the past!x
Mmmm...This is going to be interesting and pretty sad all at the same time. I was born in 1986, to a 15 year old mom and a 17 year old dad (i was thier second child...the first died.) Anywhos, a year and a week later, my lil brother was born so my dad went into the military. We went to go live with my nanna (my dad's mom) becuz my mom was a slacker, and a whore and all that good stuff. So I was raised by her and that was fun..i guess. I learned a few things...I had a friend who would always finger me while we was in the car with my parents...until i was 7 and my dad called while in Hawaii and said he was getting married...and that we were going to go live with him in Hawaii. So I lived in Hawaii for awhile when I was little. That was fun...I had a best friend who was a girl and we would have sleepovers and just finger each other and stuff. Also, while in Hawaii...my dad and step mom had two girls so now there was four kids...I collected frogs and surfed and all things little children do. Finally, my dad got restationed to Illinois so I went to go live in a naval base which was awesome. I learned to lie, about cops, that you dont want to play hide and seek with older guys (its not the same), that you have to like basketball and be able to play. All of this was fun and when I was about 12, my dad sent me to virgina so that I could go see my mom. I spent a summer with her...I got fingered by the neighborhood boys all the time, had a boyfriend who later cheated on me so I seduced and slept with his best friend. It was a pretty eventful summer I think. Then I went back home, got baptized and became mormon. My dad got out of the military and we moved to Arizona when i was in 8th grade which was great becuz everyone knew at school that I was mormon so I didnt get any crap or anything. So finally went to high school...had awesome friends...graduated and then all the crap happened..LOL...Um..I met my weakness. No, just one person that no matter what I can't say no to and WANT so bad. Like I'm willing to throw everything away just for one go at him..which isnt good at all but whatever. So, met him...so far i've been pretty good about not being tempted. Then in June 2005, my dad died and after that I was pretty done so yeah. I've got one piercing...I want more...I'm getting two tattoos in december...one on my lower back and another on my shoulder blade. I'm doing what I want and not really thinking about anything else...I've started drinking...but only on occassion. Overall My life has been pretty simple...at least i like to think so...:)
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