I am a 20 year old male with the username lovecomeswith and I want to say ...
Ok. there is this girl named velevet, we ended up meeting through one of her ex boyfriends in the 8th grade, and little for me to know i was to fall in love with her. well afew years have passed since than and i still love her with all of my heart, i gave up a relationship that almost ended up in marriage because shes all i can think about. but i told her i love her a little to late. im in the army and when i told her i was in basic training, she didnt know what to say, soon after i found out why, she had a new boyfriend and she was strating to love him. well its been afew months since i told her how i feel and we have talked about it here and there but i want to be the person and she just cant realize that for some reason she knows that i will wait for her untill the day of my death and she knows that if i end up with someone i would leave them in a heartbeat for her, but i still dont know what i should do. i guess im just a little to late
i recently felt like the world was caving in on me when all of a sudden i've realized what was really happening to me: i was closing myself off to the world. i've felt so afraid to be myself while in this state of mind because i was so depressed. i had hidden my personal problems deep in my conscience but unconsciously i was emotionally acting out what i was hiding. i would cry out of no where and wonder why? i would get upset or take jokes personally when the joke wasn't directed towards me. i felt so self-conscience of my surroundings where it was literally driving me crazy. i had become so paranoid and defensive when i didn't need to be. i felt like everyone was against me or out to get me. i wasn't doing any drugs either. even at social gatherings i would have a drink and i would start crying from all the emotions i was feeling so i stopped drinking. i gone through this shocking experience two years ago and the memories were still haunting me. i didn't tell people who weren't close to me. so those people still think i'm nuts but i don't care. what matters is that the people who've known me my whole life know what had happened to me. they have done their best to understand and be there for me while i was suffering from this. i'm so thankful and appreciate all they have done for me. i just feel bad that they had to endure some of my pain. i didn't mean to be such a ***** while i was getting over the past. Since i have released all of my pain, i have had some closure to that chapter in my life. i just want to say i feel alive again.
Ok well all that is pretty much aside me now. The advice someone gave me actually worked and made things much more clear. They kind of put in words what I was thinking and wasnt able to. Although I'm over most of it. From time to time, I know things are going to come up and make me think the way I did before about her. I'm thinking if I just reminde myself what was said that helped me, that I'll be ok. It's a work in progress. I'm now getting to know a really sweet girl who goes to my school and I really hope this works out for the best. But anyone who gave me their input reads this. Thank you so much. Seriously.
I'm not happy with my life, I feel like it couldnt get any worse,...I'm always smiling, I laugh alot, I joke around, I love my friends and family-they love me loads...I'm lonely.
I do well at everything, there's nothing I cannot do. I'm lucky ...I appreciate all that I have.
I'm confident, opinionated...I stick up for others. I have money, I study hard, I'll get a good job.
I hate seeing others being hurt...nobody tries to hurt me. I'm not selfish.
I'm an 18 male who has been living with depression my whole life. Latly I have had this empty feeling in my heart like I need someone, like I need a girlfriend. This hole seems like it is getting Bigger and BIGGER as time passes. I've tried relationships, and they just do not work out for me. Up until a week ago I had this empty feeling, but is just misteriously went away. This happened when I was reunited with a female I haven't seen in over a year. Everytime I am with her I don't feel this empty hole, but as I sit here typing, the hole is there. What does this mean? Does this mean she is my soul mate? Please respond, I need some help.
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