ok so i am a really horny person, and i got fingered by my boyfriends best friend, and my boyfriend found out. and he says he doesnt hate me but he wants an explanation and i dont know what to tellhim. please help
I am a 21 year old female named Katie and I want to say ...
From when I was about 2 till when I was 10 or 11, I lived in fear to lay down on my bed at night. It started out very frequently, maybe 4 or 5 times a week, and then slowed dissipated. When I knew that I needed to sleep, I would go to my room, lay on my bed, close my eyes and try to sleep. Sometimes, it worked. But other times, the most inexplicitly horror happened instead.
My mind starts racing absolutely uncontrollably. I find myself unable to control or understand the almost hundreds of people’s voices saying different things in different tones and languages flying around, racking my brain to pieces. If things aren’t already horrible enough, at the same time, physically, I feel the feeling of someone grabbing my wrist, but it’s that same feeling all over my body, like someone is both pushing me down, grabbing me, and laying on top of me, so I feel completely paralyzed. This is just the beginning stage (I would soon figure this out as I grow older), so, by this time I’m usually trying to scream “Mom!” as much as I can before I can’t talk anymore, but as much as I cry to scream, I would be lucky if a little whimper came out of my mouth. But the worst part is about to come: I try desperately to have the slightest bit of control over my thoughts and actions by concentrating on one particular movement I want to carry out. Normally I could think “I am going to move my leg” and a second later, I would move my leg. However, during these episodes, if the thought even barely, barely crosses my mind, that part of the body flings to the bed, the wall, whatever I’m surrounded by. I would start the thought of “okay, I’m going to try to slowly, carefully move my arm…” to try to slow down this speeding rollercoaster-type horrible experience, and in a blink of an eye, I’m not kidding, my arm would jerk so fast to who knows where. But, whenever this happened, I could feel a huge difference mentally and physically, like there definitely was something THERE controlling my movements and reading and controlling my thoughts. When you fast forward a movie or tape etc., you can see exactly how I felt during these times. Time was tremendously sped up… it’s the hardest thing to explain, but at these moments, the presence of time was so different… I got a somewhat airy, stomach-turning, feeling because I could actually feel time fast forwarding but my mind was kind of observing all of this, like it was on the outside, watching and feeling all of this happen. Well, even if you don’t understand fully what I’m trying to convey, hopefully you at least understand that, by this time, all of this made me extremely nauseous.
All my thoughts were focused around trying to slow myself down. I kept just thinking very slow thoughts and movements, then my mind slows down extremely abruptly and now I’m trying to speed myself up! When the slow phase happens, it almost feels like your dying. Even when I would blink, my eyelids seemed to be shut for ages because my actions were so incredibly slow. Often time when this happens I actually think that the fast part is better, but the whole experience is just absolutely horrifying. I feel like I can hardly breathe, and I can feel this enormous pressure all over my body, controlling my every move. I feel weak, dizzy, nauseous, out of breath… it is just indescribable!
After this happened a couple times, I tried to explain it to my family (I can imagine that I didn’t do too well, being that I was only 2), and I had referred to it as “the fast and slow thing”. Whenever my mom would come in my room and catch this episode happening, she didn’t know what to do, but she tried nearly everything. After a couple years, she started thinking that the cause of my pain could be demons, ghosts, the devil, etc., so when it would start again, she would call out “In the name of the Lord, I command you to leave!” And, miraculously, this usually worked about the third or fourth time she said it. When years passed and I became older, the “fast and slow thing” gradually started happening less and less until it was gone.
Im a 19 year old female from New York. My childhood is slightly messed up. I have tried to erase the memories but you know its impossible to do that. I'll start at the age of 5: My dad had friends, they were Indians, his son was probably around the ages of 10-12 years old. He told my brother and me to follow him up to his room. So we did. He told my brother to lock the door. Then he told me to take off my pants, and I said "no". Knowing this is wrong. So then he's like you want to lay in my bed? Im like sure, no knowing why I said such a thing because I was 5 years old. So under the covers, he reaches for my pants and I get nervous and say what are you doing? He says nothing you can see mine if I can see yours. Im like no. But he touched me down there and I hated it. He showed me his penis, and I was grossed out. My brother didn't do a thing, he was young probably around 8-9 years old. He stood look-out at the door. After he was done, everything was supposively fine. Years later, I was in 7th grade. I somehow got involved with this guy who was a junior in highschool. I liked the idea of an older guy- more mature. I won him over my bestfriend- and I don't even know why- I guess I liked the attention he gave me. He used to make me do thing- take out his penis and say "look its like a joystick, see touch it" i was infatuated with everything- even though he wasn't good looking- he was just older than me. A year later in 8th grade- a guy on AOL IMed me and said hey, Im a model-wanna see a pic? I go -yea sure, because I was with one of my bestfriends who egged me on to do it. He was really good looking- and then he said he modeled for JCPenny- which made me laugh a little too hard. But he goes, I live near you? then i said how do you know where I live- and he's like you live in meadow road. I was scared...I had no idea who this was--and he lived only a block away from me. Shortly after we met. He was so nice- but refused to drive- at the time he was 19 and I was 14. He walked everywhere...which was creepy at the age of 19. So a couple weeks past, and we spent so much time together. Late night he said we should meet behind the church- so I did- I walked about 7 blocks to get there by myself at 10 o'clock at night. He was there- waiting- we began making out. He laid my on the wet ground- and then reached his hand down my pants- I was like what are you doing? and he goes doesn't that feel good? and i go no I have my period! he goes no, it doesn't matter and continued to do it- I was scared he was ontop of me holding me down- finally i pushed him off and said "i need to go" he screamed at me and said "**** you, *****!" I walked home, and so did he. A year after that- my friend was talking to a guy who had the sn Abercrombie and some numbers- she thought he must be hot because of the name abercrombie. I was nervous when she said that he and his friends were comeing to get us from up north. I was like are you crazy! don't you remeber what happened last time with that kid. Shes liek yeah- but this won't be like that. I trusted her. They came in a black jeep-about 3 guys in a wrangler hadda squeeze 3 girls in too. It was tight- we met everyone and they all seemed nice- some less attractive than others but nice. They drove for about 45 mins. to where they lived up near Oswego. It was a long drive. We got to an apartment- there were 2 more guys inside. By the age of 14 I have drank a little bit but thats all. These guys gave us free beer, free cigg.,free liqour-anything to get us girls fucked up. It worked- next thing you know I am in the room with a 25 years old man. He has a girlfriend and a daughter. He looked old. He fingured me for my first time and blood was all over his bed- because it was my first time. I was soo wasted. I looked above the bed and it said on a wooden plaque "daddys little girl" I cringed at the thought of him being a father. While I was only 14- but I told him I was 16. Thank god he didn't have sex with me. Unlike my other friend who had sex for her first time at the age of 15. It was messed up. To think before this happened we used to go party with them every weekend. Ever since me and guys have had weird terms- I strive to impress them- I go out of my way to impress any guy in the littlest way. The sad part is I am married, and my husband is away in Iraq. And I have cheated on him multiple times. I feel sorry- but don't. I look at it this way :I waited the first time and said I would never do it again. Now Im doing it again- and I can't do it. I love him- but I need to feel needed, desired, wanted- looked at. I am an attractive girl-italian 5 foot 5 brown eyes, but I am married and still getting with guys...I have been diagnosed with depression and insomnia- these have changed my eating habits and I find it hard to eat a sandwich somedays. My life has fell apart since the age of 5. it has gotten worse than better- now things seem to be heading down hill and its because of me.
First of all, I am shocked that no one even responded to your entry. I am not hear to tell you that it's all going to be ok, because who really has any right to tell you that. What I am going to tell you is that I, in many ways, relate to what you wrote. When I was about 15 years old I didn't think anything was worth a damn. I was miserable. I hated my father. He cheated on my mom and made her so upset that she walked around making our lives miserable. She was very controling and that made it even worse. I tried taking a bottle of sleeping pills. I thought of jumping in front of a moving car.
Anyway, I look back now and I am so grateful to god or whatever kept me from succeding in ending my life. I am now 28, married and about to have a child of my own (my first one). I would have missed all of these things. I would have missed my 21st birthday (I could have lived without the puking and the hang-over), College graduation...everything! Things can get better, it just takes a much stronger person to pull through them, then it does just to say screw it and give up. You seem like you have a strong personality (so do I) and I am sure that like me you can find strength somewhere inside of yourself. Go easy on yourself, and remember that we are our own worst enemy.
Basically when I was in middle school I was a bit of a chubbier kid. But when the summer of eighth grade rolled around, I got out and lost some weight. Well during the whole thing, there was this guy i was just crazy about. Now, in highschool, as i walk down the halls i get the occasional whistle or random compliment. I have a seat REALLY close to him in english...and I just love to watch him squirm because of the mistake he made...
I'm heading up to LA, passing through San Clemente and I realize that a vehicle has been "following" me for about twenty miles. I finally look over and he's holding a sign that says "Nice Tits" with something else written underneath it I just couldn't tell what it was. I didn't know what to say to that so I turned away. Five minutes later, he is next to me again and he has another sign that says "Show me your tits." Again, I drive off and another five minutes he's next to me again! He show's the original sign again and I realize it was his number underneath "Nice Tits" and he flipped the sign over and it said "Sneak a pee." He turned on the inside light and he had three kids in the back watching a movie! Some old married guy hit on me while I was driving with kids in his car. Life couldn't get any better huh? lol
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