i've been with my bf for 6mnths, and it seems like everytime i feel myself falling in love with him, i get so insecure and scared that he's just gonna play me, and/or that me and him aren't gonna last. it just sucks because i tell him all the time how i'll always be there for him, how i love him and he's my heart-- and its true!... but theres this part of me thats just saying that because it sounds so good, and i wanna believe that it could happen to me (real love finding me?->hah, i am just too skeptical). I'm 19y/o and this is the first "real" relationship i've had, all my other so called boyfriends just played me in the end by lying and cheating on me.. and the pain from those heartbreaks always get in my head and **** up what good things i'm feeling for my new man. He tells me he loves me, that he's never had a gf like me before, so its new to the both of us.
When my mind starts playing tricks on me, making me doubt him, i always have to ask him if he still loves me and wants to be with me (which is like once or twice a month at the least!) i dont wana push him away with my insecurities, im just afraid that our flame will die and he'll just string me along for his own convenience, but i dont wanna keep thinking like that anymore! i dont wanna have those kind of thoughts running thru my head. in my heart, i KNOW i love him, its just my mind plays such wicked games! its like i'll love him, then i'll hate him, then i'll love to hate him, then i'll hate to love him ~> when all i wanna do is just love to love him!
how can i get over these crazy "women" emotions and silence all those painful memories of the past, and move towards a better future, at peace with myself, as well as with my love (my man). arrghhh, pms is a *****, but why do we make such beautiful things (like falling in love, loving another person, etc) so damn complicated!.... maybe i am beyond help...iduno...
I am a 23 year old female with the username oddree and I want to say ...
a friend and i recently made up after we had a huge fight. i said something i probably shouldn't have about her boyfriend, and she said some very nasty things to me and hurt me deeply. and now that we're friends again, all i can do is sit and look at her and wish that we had never made up and how i don't want her in my life anymore, but i feel sorry for her because other than me, she doesn't really have any friends.
i live in this small town of about 6,000 people. in this town, i have a group of people i associate with. we're all pretty close in our own ways, we all know each other, we all hang out with each other at different points in time. the thing about these people is that i'm the one that is the most taken for granted. i'm the one who gets walked on and thrown around emotionally by these people. i want to be able to beat one of them to a bloody pulp and show everyone else that this really is my town, i'm the alpha *****, and none of them breathe without me allowing it. i'm sick of not being taken seriously, and being taken for granted. sometimes, i even want to die, thinking that if my spirit stays around these people to watch over them, then i'd get to see what they really thought of me, and if i really affected any of them. sometimes i wonder if they'd really miss me if i were gone. would any of these people care? do they have the capability to care anyways? i want them to realize i'm someone too. i want them to realize i have the power, that i am the alpha.
my best friend has been acting like a *****. i feel like she's been talking behind my back to other people especially to this girl that i've known just as many years has her. we all work togther too. it's cool but they work in the same department than i do. so i feel secluded sometimes. every time we all hang out, its like they know something i don't know. its just how each of them talk. every converstaion seems to be so indirectly towards me like i'm ***** of the pack. i'm so tired of it. it's insulting and very rude. i'm going to give them a piece of my mind as soon as i calm myself down. it's disrespectful and hurtful at the same time. she's suppose to be my best friend. what a ***** of a friend i have.... thanks for listening to this bullshit.
Now I will start this with my halo would not blind anyone, for I too was married when I met him. Seven years ago I met "Rick" at a very low point in my life. We were both married and well, **** happens and I am not proud of myself for this. After falling in love with him and he with me, (so he said) After what was a few years of planning, it was agreed that we would both leave our spouses and start a life together. I moved out, to the point that I even bought a house and he got an apartment. After two months of him having this said apartment and not moving into it, I took a stand. **** or get off the pot. Sends me letter, telling me he needs more time to let his marriage "die" I don't think so Homey.
We did not communicate for nine weeks, I was just starting to feel better and beginning to get over him. Then out of the blue, he texts me on how much he misses me. OK, sucker that I am I call him. Told him, you know what I need, if you can't give it to me...see ya. A few days, a few emails..I tell him, you are on the boarder of too little too late for us. Not 24 hours go by and I get an email. I have moved out of my house, I hope it is not to late. Sucked me right back in. That was last Monday night. We spoke on Tuesday at great length and I when to his place on Wednesday. Y'know what happened, we had sex and I even cooked for him, naked and made that fantasy for him come true. Talked to him on Thursday, made plans for the weekend. Saturday he would help me move some furniture, oh and we were going to have Easter dinner together. Good Friday at 10;30 pm, he calls me and says, I can't do this. I hang up on him. Then I started drinking. A few hours later I call him back, **** faced mind you, got his V/M and told him what I thought of him. How he was spineless and I hope he dies a horrible death. But it ain't over. I'm going mail his wife every greeting card, love letter he ever sent me. And I was going to call her too. I talk to him Saturday morning because I'm screwed to move that furniture. He says I'll still do this for you. Have you lost your mind Rick? No, I owe it to you, we don't even have to talk. Once again have you lost your mind, I will be verbally abusing you. But your right you do owe me that too.
So I meet him to get my stuff. The best way I can describe what transpired is, it was like he was a little boy in the principles office getting a scolding. I must say I de-masculated him
The coward tells me the reason he went back home. Seems his 14 year old daughter had a big *** hissy fit and demanded he return home, and he did. He couldn't stand up to her and let her know that their relationship had nothing to do with him remaining in the home.
Oh and those greeting cards, had them with me. Started reading them to him and throwing them at him, one by one. He picked them up and put them in the trash. Told him how our his entire relationship and his life, was a lie. He always told me that the nickname he had for his dead mother in law was "The Crow" and how his wife had turned into her mother. I said I have decided not to call his wife, then I would have won by default, don't want that. The best revenge I could get was knowing he would be married to "The Crow" For he once told me one of his biggest fears was on his death bed, looking up at his wife and realizing he had wasted his entire live with her. By his own hand he has made this come true.
I can't help but feel angry about the situation that my close circle of friends are in at the moment. And its all come down to one stupid idiotic little girl in our group.
My friend met this boy through my boyfriend, and they started getting very close, and then announced that they were an item. Well, as her friend I was incredibly chuffed for her, and thought it was great, as I thought he seemedlike a very nice guy.
But suddenly her mood started to change. She started to become moody and withdrawn. I had issues with my boyfriend about 7 months ago where I found out that he had cheated on me, and although I was very hurt at the time, I eventually let go of it, and things have been great with us since. She told me that my boyfriend had cheated on me again. Well, I didn't believe her, and eventually it came to light that she had been lying about it. And when I confronted her about it, she basically told me to get out of her life.
I'll admit, I was hurt, and let her get on with her life. I sent her one or two emails asking for her to talk to me about her problems rather than bottling them up.
Its got to the stage now where this friend of mine has completely ditched her best friend. (rumours had it that her boyfriend told her that she had to either choose him, or choose her friends, and she chose him.)
Her boyfriend reckoned that her friends were a bad influence on her. I want to so badly give him a smack in the mouth.
Her boyfriend is a control freak. And she doesn't seem to realise. Hello? He proposed to her when they had been together for 2 months. You can't be in love with someone you've only just met!!
Grrs, help me out guys! x x x x
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