My best friend and I, have always ended up liking the same guys, starting with our ex-boyfriend. We hooked up with the same guys and even went as far as to have threesomes. Now a recent development lead to me dating the guy that she really liked. She got really upset and went and talked to our mutual friend about it. Well he came back and got in my face about it and acted like a major ***. He told me that if I didn't apologize to her he was going to send someone after me and all kinds of bull. Then he tried to make deals with me. He told me he would tell my boyfriend I was cheating on him if I didn't give my friend head and other sexual favors. He went as far as to offer me 75 for a hand job, 130 for a blow job and 50 for full body massages. I turned down his deals but he won't leave me alone. He told my ex-best friend that I have been spreading rumors that him and her are hooking up. I told him that if he doesn't leave me alone I will tell his girlfriend everything. That didn't seem to faze him though because he tried to make another deal with me later on in the week. So I am at loss. This disturbing web has me trapped and I don't know what to do. I just want to make it through college with no drama.
I have been seeing this married man for over a year now the problem is i love himi really do but he has already told me he cant leave his wife but the other day his best friend approched me and told me he has liked me for ages and that he would like to make a go of things with me he doesnt no about me and his friend.He came to my house and we ended up in bed together now im worried he will tell the man im seeing HELP
I have been married since I was twenty. My first secret? That I married for the security, not for love. My family was moving, and didn’t have enough room for me. In other words, they felt I should leave the nest. Fortunate for me, I had someone who wanted to marry me.
We moved, far away after the first year we were married. I thought being far away from my past would liberate me. Instead, it made me feel lonely. I lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment with my husband.
I began a unfulfilling affair. He was sly, charismatic, and I realize know that he knew my weaknesses. I confessed all to my husband. He was enraged, betrayed. I vowed never to do it again.
Years passed. We found happiness. I found deep security and well being. He was called away, would be gone a year. I had become so codependent on him that I crumbled. I hadn’t had the chance to invent an identity of my own. I was devastated and adrift.
I found a male friend. At first, I wasn’t attracted to him, until he started to have feelings for someone else. I decided he was too much of a treasure to be spoiled on some female who wouldn’t appreciate him. Through my haze of pain and confusion, I began to have feelings for him. Heedless of blaring warning bells and cold anxiety of betrayal, I moved forward.
As I look back, I realize he wanted me as much as I wanted him. He would touch me as often as possible. We would cuddle under the pretense that it was for comfort. He touched me one night, nowhere intimate, but when and where he touched was intimate enough. He caressed my navel, moved daringly close to my breasts. The taboo and touch excited me. He didn’t engage in anything sexual that night, but my hunger became insatiable. I wanted him, no doubt.
I didn’t think much on my past transgression. I didn’t think how it was wrong, with my husband far away. I only cared about one thing. To be intimate with this man who I just became friends with. I was consumed with want.
One night, frustrated with lack of action, I wore a built in bra tank top and jeans. I asked him to go out with me. He agreed. I showed up at his place, with my attire, sure that it would entice him. I used all the body language I could to tell him I wanted him. In the dark of his apartment, as we were leaving, he nearly kissed me. I was sorely disappointed when he did not.
Later that night, when we were good and drunk and on our way home, I pulled him to me and kissed him. It was the most satisfying and gratifying kiss I’d ever planted on anyone.
After that night, I explained the terms of my commitment. I told him that my husband came first. No interference would be allowed. Our relationship was based on companionship out of loneliness. We would be intimate, but would separate our emotions. I was a fool to believe those terms could be carried out.
Months passed. I would balance communication between my husband and my lover. My lover was demanding, and predictably (though not to me at the time) he began to love me and want my love in return. It was easy to give him the attention and support he needed, and deal with my husband at the same time. He was only able to communicate with me one day a week by phone. I only had to answer to him once a week by voice. It was easy to carry on the deception. I fought against any deep feelings toward my lover. Yet, he was persistent. I realized along the way that I was in love with my lover, yet I fought against it. I tried to remain true to my husband in my heart, if not in my body.
As more time passed, and the bond between my husband and I grew more distant, I found it easier to give more to my lover. More and more I gave. He coaxed and begged and fought for more and more. I tried to keep it financial, physical, but it was a losing fight.
Nearer to the end of my year of was what to mean a certain isolation, I gave into my lover. I gave him all. Against my better wishes, my better judgment, I realized I was in love. I couldn’t deny myself. We began to talk of the future, our future, together.
I kept communication with my husband. However, it was now distant and half hearted. He had left me lonely once, and now twice. I began to resent him more and more than I already had. Perhaps it was unreasonable and ill placed, but I still felt that way.
Now, it is almost time for my husband to return. My lover is now leaving himself for a year. I find myself in a jumble of confusion. Leading to lives can do that to you. I did it by choice, submersing myself into a world of deception. I love a man to whom I am not bound, and disillusioned with a man who I am bound to. A man who I now talk to everyday through chat. At times, I am caught by the seductive lure of a past security. We laugh, we flirt, we joke, we bond. Yet, I find it it’s not enough without the physical declaration of his love.
My lover hopes for a future with me, but I know that is not possible. Yet he stays steadfast in his belief. He says he will never love another as he has loves me. It makes me ache, for I know I am the source. My husband, who has stuck to his admissions of love has no idea.
I have a lover. A lover who has loved me as I’ve always dreamed. A lover to extinguish all other loves. Yet, by order of law and my own vow, I am bound to another. I have changed, ,my husband has changed, yet we do not admit how much. My lover, who I have given so much to, drains me. He is greedy with his need. He has tried to suppress it in the sake of my sanity, but it is not enough. He badly wants the comfort of my constant presence as his wife, yet I know I can never give it to him. I know I can’t truly ever fulfill his dreams of spousal bliss.
I am uncertain of my future, and it scares me. I have become an actress, a master of deceit, a despicable character by virtuous human standards. I live in secret shame and delight. I live in fear and anxiety. I lay in a bed that I’ve made, and wait for my judgment. Can I keep this secret in my heart till the day I die? Will I have the courage to do what I must, be what that may? I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve betrayed a vow made before a judge almost six years ago. I betrayed a man who is adamant about his love for me. I kept a lover captive with hopes I may not be able to fulfill. Does this make me a happy woman? No, it does not. I am a convoluted pool of mess. I am a jumble of delicate fishing wire. I do not know which way I should bend, which way I should break.
I have much blame, I know this. I bare myself to unburden myself, but know I will be judged. We all judge. I beg you, you who read this. Put aside your judgement. Do not feel sorry for me, for that is not what I ask. I ask only that you contemplate my own foibles. If you find yourself in such as situation, hopefully my transgression can shed some light for you.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now and until this trip I had been completely loyal to him. I went on a trip with about ten of my friends. We were gone for a week and the last night we were there, we decided to hit up the club scene. We were all dancing and having fun when another guy came up to me and started to dance with me. He was attractive and after the club closed at 2, my friends and I and the guy all went back to our condo. At first all it was was talking, I told him about my boyfriend, and we talked about colleges and what we wanted to do with our lives, but as the night progressed more and more happened. We didn't have sex. However I still feel horrible about lying to my boyfriend. I also feel that telling him would only hurt him and force him away from me in the long run, making it a lose lose situation.
i finally confessed to my bf that in the first month we started dating, i made a huge mistake (i f*ckd up big by sleeping with two other guys!! it was horrible, disgusting mistake, and i will never stop regretting it!) i thought i would've taken it to the grave, but when he asked if i ever been with anyone while i was with him, i couldnt bring myself to lie anymore!! He says that he's glad i told the truth, but that i should've told him sooner, he told me that he still loves me and isn't gonna break up with me... but i am insecure that he's always going to think about this! im afraid that he wont be able to let it go, and that eventually he will either become too possesive and jealous, or just break up with me (which i guess i only reaped what i've sown). My concious doesn't even feel any lighter now that i've told him, but i've really fallen for him now, and i couldn't bring myself to lie anymore. Im a dumba$$ for what i did back then, but if i had known he was going to mean so much more to me, i would've never done it!! damn, i know i did the right thing by telling him the truth, i just hope things work out.... owell....
When I was 19 I met this guy online. He seemed perfect to me in every way, except for the fact that he went to school eight hours away and would only be home for the holidays. I guess that really didn't matter at the time because we talked constantly about what life would be like when we're together. After three months, his first school break arrived and he came home. He was home for a week but we only hung out once. He said he was too busy with trying to see all of his other friends. Understandable, yes? The week came and went, and before i knew it, he was back at school.
I guess I should first say, I was a virgin at that point. A complete and utter virgin, I hadn't done anything with anyone. When he got back to school, we talked about doing things with each other the next time we were together. He always told me what he wanted to do and how good it would be, but confusingly enough, he told me not to wait for him, because he wasn't sure if he'd be able to commit to a relationship. I was blind to that. I was hell bent on believing that we would be together. So I decided that when he gets home again, I'll do any sexual thing he wants, to try to "persuade him", i guess. But the problem is, I didn't know how to do anything. That's when I decided that I needed experience and fast, so I met this other guy who "taught" me how to do things on him. So I learned, and I never saw him again. No need to worry, I'm still a virgin, just no longer a complete and utter virgin.
I told my guy that I did this, and he said, "That's fine, I told you not to wait for me." Understanably, I got offended. I think I wanted him to get jealous, maybe show he cared. But instead, I rebelled, and I went for another guy. I got some more practice on him. Except, this time, this guy called me again. And again. And again. Over the course of a couple weeks. And eventually, he asked me out, and I was no longer a virgin in any sense of the word.
The original guy found out that I was no longer single, and he called me out on it. I told him that I only was with this guy out of boredom, and I'd break up with him when the original guy gets home. (Please Note: I wasn't with him because I was bored. I just wanted to be with both of them because I like attention. And I figured my plan was flawless.) So, the original guy gets home, about three weeks after my relationship started, his parents are gone for the weekend, and he invites me over. We hang out for a while, just sitting and talking on his bed, like friends. Then he layed down. So I layed down too. And anyone who knows what beds are for, should know that when two people, mutually attracted, are on a bed together, things are going to happen. And things did happen. A lot of things. Eventually, I told him to go get a condom, and when he got off the bed, I thought to myself "Self, you have a boyfriend. What are you doing?" At this point, I realized I was being an idiot, and I rolled onto my stomach and pretended to fall asleep. Probably the smartest thing I did all night.
The next morning, while lying in bed with this other guy, my boyfriend calls me before he leaving for work, and I tell him we need to talk but I can't talk now. So he tells me to meet him at his apartment right when he gets off of work. So I meet him there. Now, I'm not sure why I felt the need to tell him I was unfaithful, but the guilt was already eating me up inside. I start telling him what happened. I can see that he's upset. Really upset. I had only gotten up to the part where I said "I slept at so-and-so's house last night," when he asked me flat out "What happened?" I could see that he was on the verge of tears, because every previous girlfriend he's had has cheated on him, and I'm now, no different. I knew I didn't want to hurt him any more, so I said "All we did was kiss." He asked me if i was sure that we didn't do anything else, and I said again, "All we did was kiss." (And I've stuck by that.) He was really mad and said "I've told you that once people break my trust, they never get it back. But I'm glad that you told me right away, and I didn't have to find out from some other person."
I'm almost 21, we now live together, and to this day all he thinks we did was kiss. But it still kills me sometimes, I want to tell him. But I know I can't, because he will break up with me for lying to him to begin with. Whenever I think about it now, I cry. Sometimes in front of him, sometimes by myself. I just feel so guilty, and it hurts.
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