I look at myself in the mirror these days, and honestly I don't see what they see. I guess it's because my own self-peception is really screwed up because of my past and how I was raised. I was abused a lot as s kid. All kinds of abuse in fact. All just bad memories I need to let go of.
Some of the times I did deserve to get beat but some of the times things went too far and I guess it's catching up to me. It's just, I'm tired when I get taken advantage of and when it happens, I find myself in recluse. I just want to break the cycle. I heard violence only begets more violence and I just want it to stop before it becomes a part of me in the future.
I was exposed to a lot at such a young age and it's now I look back and I see that it's what made me who I am today. All I can do now is change myself for the better. I didn't like who I was back in high school. I wasn't bullied by anyone really. Well, girls were the only ones who bullied me really. Everyone else was pretty cool. And yeah, I beat myself up over stupid little things from the past. Letting go of the past is something I need to do. It's really difficult because it's all I have. I think I had a bad case of separation anxiety when I was little.
So yeah, I'm just trying to get over things in the past and move on. They slow me down and I'm a fast paced dude. So thanks to the people who made this site for making my day and upcoming days a whole lot better. I can honestly breathe easier now.
Why are there some things that we just can't say to people. Is it so hard for us to be honest sometimes. Like when someone needs advice why are we not 100% honest, maybe because we are afraid of hurting their feelings or are we just being nice. Why can't we just say what we mean instead of living the lie.. are we afraid of what people think? We grow up believing that image is everything and we don't want people to "talk about us." Why is life so unfair that we go on living it without even knowing whats around us or what we have? We should be happy for what we have. Sometimes life is not fair.. we're born, we live, we die. Is that all life is or is it more, bucause we have so much in between birth and death. Bottled up feelings, not saying what you really mean, not hurting people... so many secrets.. if people only knew what other people go through! Life is short... believe me it is... Love hurts. you don't know what you have in life until you have lost it. Sometimes you just can't say what you feel because you are afraid. Thanks for listening i just needed to let out some stuff.
I am a 21 year old female named Katie and I want to say ...
My entire life, well, mostly childhood, I was an extremely angry, upset, depressed kid. I was a crab! My mom even made me a crab costume for Halloween because she thought the costume “fit” me so well. Hah… now there have been a lot of people that do not believe me when I talk about spending my young years very unhappy. Well, take a look: http://katiekoala.com/me.html (don’t worry, it’s harmless).
I am allergic to latex, lavender, lactose, sulfa, and I’ve even been diagnosed by my DOCTOR as being allergic to spring. I’m also allergic to the AIR at Disneyland! Crazy. I have rapid cycling bi-polar disorder. I have mania. I have major depression. I have a hyper-thyroid that developed because of my anger problem, and because of my hyper-thyroid, it’s hard to sleep because my heart is beating so fast and if I DO get any sleep, I have the most frightening dreams you could ever imagine. Seriously.
I am addicted to meth and in rehab for it. My boyfriend for 2 years is in juvenile hall for possession of it. I hate rehab so freaking much. All my life people have always tried to get me a counselor or a psychologist but all of them,… the doctors, the counselors,.. are baffled by me. For one thing, physically, my body is insane! I had to go to the doctor everyday for a while, and, im NOT joking, literally my weight for one day would be 98, then the next 105, then the next 103, then the next 95,… the doctor kept weighing me, checking to see if the scale worked, etc, because its supposedly impossible for your weight to change that rapidly. Another thing: Im 17, and occasionally, I will shrink! Ill be 5’2” one day, then 5’1” the next, and this is when im measured barefoot. The chiropractor thought it was my spine but he was wrong. But after all of this, the thing that I hate, is that people KEEP TRYING TO FIGURE ME OUT!!! OH MY GOSH!! I don’t even understand myself at ALL. No one is every going to understand me, so would ya just leave me alone and let me be! :(
I prefer to be alone. I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life until I fell in love at age 16. It sucks. Love is a weakness! It actually HURTS to lie to him… this is highly unusual because all my life I’ve been a horrible, horrible, liar, cheater, stealer, you name it. But now, I find myself having to forcibly become a better person because my old ways aren’t working! I love fighting. I love yelling and screaming and making people feel horrible. With him, I start yelling, and in a few moments I start to CRY!! WHATS UP WITH THAT!?! It sucks! Of course no one knows this about me except him. Everyone thinks I can be trusted. Whenever ANYTHING bad happens, no one (not the teacher, the students, no one) suspects me. But now I’ve become more honest…
I'm not happy with my life, I feel like it couldnt get any worse,...I'm always smiling, I laugh alot, I joke around, I love my friends and family-they love me loads...I'm lonely.
I do well at everything, there's nothing I cannot do. I'm lucky ...I appreciate all that I have.
I'm confident, opinionated...I stick up for others. I have money, I study hard, I'll get a good job.
I hate seeing others being hurt...nobody tries to hurt me. I'm not selfish.
I am a 28 year old black man and I have just started dating a white woman. As it so happens, I have always wanted a white woman but it never seemed to be in the cards, until now. However, she is a very large woman and I know that most white men don't want her. She says that she only dates black men because white men treat her like white trash or didn't really like her. I am ashamed that me and so many other brothas have abandoned our sistas for the fattest white women that no white man would touch. The thing is, I am totally in love with this woman. I feel like I've played into the rascist idea that white is automatically beautiful. In fact, I know I have but, I guess she is what I always wanted. Besides, some of the finer sistas be dating the ligher shades themselves.
I have an intense fear of women. I have slept with upwards of 50 girls, and don't know how many girls I've done other sexual activities with. I can never date anyone for more than a couple of months anymore, simply because I can't bring myself to trust someone. As soon as I start to get attached or see the slightest bit of trouble, I just break up with the girl and usually end up sleeping with someone else the same day, commonly a friend of hers.
Many people look at me and think that I don't respect women or that I hate them. This isn't true, but I don't have the courage to let the pure feelings I have spring forward. Whenever I start to genuinly care about someone, I become frightened that these feelings will enable them to hurt me.
Between the negative experiances I had with girls I've dated in the past, my shakey and fear based relationship with my mother, and a complete lack of a good parental example of how a good relationship works, I don't know if I'll ever be able to be a decent and loving companion to someone. I no longer derive any physical pleasure from sex, and it has become a psychological addiction.
I've never gotten a girl drunk to get into her pants, but I've told my fair share of lies. After all, I don't want anyone to know how afraid I am of women, now do I? At least with things this way, they can't hurt me. The problem is, I'm hurting myself.
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