I am a 29 year old male with the username Pj26 and I want to say ...
It all started, at least from my point of view, in August of '05. The wife and I hadn't been speaking for a couple of days. We didn't have a fight or anything, just nothing to say, I guess. On the third day of no talking I was pissed. She would just come home take a bath and then read in the room.
The only words I got from her were "I'm going to bed." So as I was angrily cleaning I took the garbage out after slamming the door and just kept walking. I walked for 4 miles before stopping at a gas station to get something to drink. I was about to walk home when it started to rain. So I called a taxi cab and went home.
We pulled up to the house and I saw my wife looking out the window. I opened up the door and my wife asked me where I was, and I told her. "I went for a walk to clear my head." She went to the bedroom and said good night. A little bit later she came back out and said "We need to talk." She went on to explain that she had been unhappy for a year.
At this point I should bring up Monica. Monica is my Ex-wife's bestfriend. A year ago at this point in the story Aug. '04, Monica had ended her marriage to my friend Mike. She had cheated on Mike with a guy from a Home Improvement Store. And in the middle of her divorce began to DATE her FIRST COUSIN, and by "date" I mean ****!!
She has a history of drug and debt problems. According to alot of my ex's friends, she began to poison my wife's mind the day her divorce was final. For a year I was on trial, my marriage was on trial, and I knew nothing. According to the friends I was being compaired to Mike and all his faults as a husband. I was the bad guy, I was forcing to put her life on hold in some way.
Getting back to my wife. For the last year she had felt nothing for me. No attraction, no love, no passion, nothing. I said ok, cause I was in complete shock. She said she wanted me to move out, so I called Mike and asked to stay with him untill we worked this out.
I still had hope at this point. I went and talked to family and friends. Anyone that might have some little bit of advice I could use. So I sent her flowers and called her every two days. She was so upset that one day she called and asked me not to send any more flowers as they "scared" her. Also I was not to call her anymore, as it was putting to much pressure on her.
At that point I said what about counciling? She said "Maybe, but we don't have the money for it." She in the mean time went on a camping trip with Monica. I asked her to please call me over the weekend. But she didn't. When she came back she said that she couldn't get a signal and her battery was low. So I snapped at her"You were at a camp ground most of them have at least one phone, nowadays. If not you had a car and a means to get to a gas station to get a phone card to call me with. You didn't even give me a second thought while you were up there!!" She said she was sorry.
She had talked to Monica and they decided that she should get a divorce. Monica also mentioned that I had made her uncomfortible in some conversations we had. I've always asked people if they were "ok" with me asking personal questiions. All my friends KNOW this!! Monica did too and so did my wife. I said what about counciling? "We can't afford it" she said.
I said what about a priest? She said "Do you realy see that helping?" I told her that I was willing to do anything to save our relationship. She said that I was just to mean and she couldn't trust me anymore. I never once betrayed her trust!!!!!!! I asked how can you just walk away without trying? No response... So I told her that no matter what happens to me or her down the line "Remember you gave up! I may be gulity of certin things, but I meant it when I said, I do. You pissed away the last six years and made them meaningless. Remember you gave up when I was here trying!!"
The hardest thing I ever did was to turn my back and walk away from the woman I had promised "till death do us part."
I miss feeling a connection with someone. I feel so cut off from love that I almost feel deserted by it. I don’t think I am developed enough to find it though. I feel as if I am stunting my growth…not only in a physical sense, but mentally as well. I am failing life, AKA, school, and obviously personal relationships. I don’t feel I am giving enough back to my friends I actually care for. I feel like a leech. I don’t have a job or anything to pay my best friend for all of my **** she has paid for. I am such a ******* waist it is ridiculous. I can’t motivate myself properly anymore. I need to get my **** together. I feel like I want to give up sometimes. I don't even know where to go from here. I want to get things back together so bad, but I feel like I am in a hole. I crave love so badly, and pine over a friend that I have 'more than friendly' feeling for. This feels like a load of crap. I know I just sound like some depressed emo ranter, but this is for really real life. Hahaha.
What the heck is with girls now-a-days when they leave guys for someone else!? I mean, when they leave them, they tell them everything about the other person! Even their phone number and what-not! And then their all "Please dont talk to him". Its like they just want confrontation! ARGH!
Okay so... are there really soul mates? I am on a mission to figure this out. I have had my share of long term relationships and short terms ones, too. Sometimes I ended them and twice they did. Obviously these guys were not right for me. Yet, here I am twenty one years old and feeling like I am going to be single for the rest of my life. Guys don't bother with me anymore... the one guy I truly want has someone... although they are miserable together. I don't know what to do to get back into the swing of things and get that one guy off my mind. If everyone has a 'someone' where is mine?
ok first of all i'm a african american 23 girl,in nursing school for my BSN,5'4 125LBS.speak 3 languages,spanish,arabic,and of course english.but what i'm here to say is that i find my self in a delimma.i'm strongly attracted to asian indian guys,but i try my best not to act on it,because the truth is i fell in love with one and it turn out to be a great unforgettable experience.but i see that even if they do fall in love out side there race,they want even allow there heart to be free or act on it,and rather go along with a arranged marriage,which i almost fell into also but didn't because when it comes to one person making a life decision like that it should be your own choice.my problem is that i did have a first love but can't seem to let him go i don't even know why,he fell in love with two other women and is not with them now but says he wants to be with me.i've been single since mein my first love been apart which was almost 3 yrs ago''i know i have friends but just couldn't find that person that i really could be with besides that fact that i did fall in love with a guy from india but we never was boy/girl friend because of different backgrounds,he loved me also but couldn't go that far with me even though he wanted to because of his family and culture,which i greatly respected,thats why i had to let him go to make his family happy as well.why can't man see that us black women are just like any other women but with a little spunk.were're smart,educated,independent,strong willed, humble, beautiful, adventourous,but most of all about us were're colorblind.nomatter what bad situation we are in we will still go that extra mile to help someone.i just need to get over my first love he don't even love me but want to be with me how is that possible.plus how do i get over my attraction for indian men or should i let it be.don't get me wrong i do date outside my race for all its just that strong attraction.what do i do?any suggestions.
You know what? Breaking up is hard. This is for a number of reasons. No one in the relationship actually wants to break up. Neither person. Unless something really bad happens, like one cheats on the other, or ladeda, so much could literally happen... But for the most part, people just break up because it just doesn't feel right. I don't know if you guys have ever felt this way, but I know I sure have.
One thing kept me with the kid. We just have this bond, you know? Being together for so long, knowing each other inside and out. It's so difficult to leave the safety and security and comfort for... virtually no tangible reason, no reason except deep down in the core of your soul, you just know it's not right. And how do you say something like that? I love you, but I'm not in love with you? That's where that saying came from. And because you care so much, it hurts to see him hurt. And vice versa. So you get back together, and are happy for a short time. Most of our time together I spent trying to break up with him. And boy, did it hurt.
After a while, maybe you get 3 months apart... Then he starts seeing someone else. It's impossible not to be a hypocrite. So maybe I've been dating someone. So, maybe I even kissed someone else in what I considered to be our final days. But he likes someone else. The moment that happens, all walls a person has been building just collapse. It's rejection, refusal. He doesn't want me anymore. But it was all my doing in the first place. Of course, we end up back together, because weak little girl goes back and makes sure she still has that little corner of his heart... She knows how to manipulate him. They were together so long, it's impossible not to know. It's impossible not to manipulate him. You have made him exactly what you thought you wanted the perfect guy to be. Now you know! Now you know that the perfect guy has so many imperfections. You can't mold someone to be perfect. He's a wimp if he does. And right there makes him so imperfect for you. But, he leaves the other girl, and comes back.
And so the couple gets back together for a few more months. Falling back. Back into that slump of accomplishing nothing, of lazing around, being stuck. We hold each other back and we know it. But we can't stop. We're addicted.
So I moved. I moved far far away. Thousands of miles, across America, where the streets are paved with gold. Break ups, man. They **** up your life. They make you want to drive by someone's house at 1 am, see if the lights are on. Wonder what he's doing, what he's thinking about. If it's me. They make you want to get piercings and tattoos. Go back home all reformed on oh-so-much different than he's ever known you. They make you sleep all day, not caring that life is moving. There's no one there for you. Everyone you had, your best friend, the one who helped you through it all, is gone. Kissing other people is weird. Liking other people is weird. No one knows what you're talking about when you whip out the ongoing inside joke of the past 3 years.
And here I am, now, 3 years after meeting the kid, 2 years after trying to break up with him for the very first time. In order to actually do the thing, I somehow needed his permission. I hurt him so badly, breaking up and going back, breaking up and going back, until I got what I wanted. I wanted him to reject me so I wouldn't feel badly about rejecting him. Thousands of miles away, I'm here. And I don't know anyone. And no one knows me. Starting all over.
I don't know about all relationships. I do know everyone has had one of those crazy ones where they just can't shake it. 3 years is a long time. It's hard to break up for a million different reasons. But breakups happen. They happen to everyone, all the time, all over. It's not just me. It's not just you. Moms, dads, brothers, sisters, grandparents, teachers, junior high schoolers, college kids, kindergarteners. Everyone gets their heart torn into so many pieces at one point or another. I know that's what makes it so much better in the end. I know this from logic. But man, I didn't realize it was going to be this way.
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