A fading light as my blood pores out, I try to see through my doubt.
Once my words had been a lamp, Now they are nothing but a clamp.
I fight to see everything in me, But all I manage is a dead withering tree.
I wonder is this the end? Or is there something worth it around the bend.
I take this blade hand in hand, Thrust it deep and let fall the sand.
I sit and ponder, will this sleep be black and somber?
In this I beg and ask, Let me fall into the past.
Let my memories die in vain, Let me bask in this pain.
Please just stand by as I fade and die, Let not loose the tear from your eye.
I am not worth the air that I breathe, So I seize and give a final heave.
My heart stops it beat, And I loose all my heat.
Cover me over now, As I asked and told you how.
Please do not weep, Just put me in a place to sleep.
Forget about what I am, For I should never have been known as Sam.
As my body withers away, You should not have to pray.
Give me no grave mark, Just hide me neath some bark.
Even if you cry, My bones will still just lie.
If you howl and whine, My blood might curdle into a wine.
But I ask walk away, For I am no longer here to play.
I am a 17 year old female named Luna and I want to say ...
( No one ever realizes what they're doing to themselves. Read and tell me what you think... )
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There’s another person that lives inside of me. She has no name, because most of the time she steals mine. She’s a proper little thief, but I always catch her and I always put her back in her place. She never goes unpunished.
She hates me, but I pay it no mind; the feeling is mutual. Her presence would not be so bad, I think, were it not for her many whispered thoughts. Her favourite place is just behind my eyes, where she can bask in the incoming moonlight and chant things to my mind as I lay awake in daydreams.
She is the source of most of my formerly unheard-of worries. I think she dos it out of sheer malice, but a part of me suggests that it may be of her own fret for my safety.
Either way, there is no love lost between us.
She hates me.
Not because of me—not because of who I am, but because of what I prevent her from having. Freedom. She longs for it, craves it, even. And I have it. I can only say that it will be a long century before she can grasp it, I enjoy seeing her desperation.
Her pain is beautiful.
She was a lot of things that Icannot stand. She was independent and willful. She was iconoclastic, charismatic, and artistic. She was unrestrained, carefree, and confident. She was free in all senses of the word.
I have stripped her down to the fat. She is obedient and faithful and captive. There is little independence, but I have not yet finished with her. She retains no optimistic imagination.
Quite the opposite, infact. I find that it is rather hard to smile when she’s frowning just behind my jaw, which is often. The smile disjoins after a moment, and no matter how many times I attempt to grin, it always ends up as a disheartened curve of the lips.
People around me notice, and ask of the things that trouble my mind. I have difficulty thinking of a response, however, because by then she will have settled in the crook between the end of my skull and the beginning of my spine—another of her favourite spaces.
And there she will sit, naked with the humiliation of her vunerability, in a curled position, screaming in the agony of her loneliness while all the time knowing that the only one that can hear her is me.
She hates me.
And I can’t blame her. If I were her, I would hate me too. But then, she is me; she resembles me in every way; in humility, in despair, in loathing.
And sometimes I wonder why I treat her this way, when I know that in more ways than one, this is like tormenting myself.
whenever i feel like i'm starting to feel negative emotions, i tend to isolate myself. i prefer to be silent than to say anything that might make people get the wrong impression on me. sometimes when i'm to aware of what i'm doing (when i'm in this state of silence) i start to get angry because i'm unable to express how i feel. i don't like the fact i'm like this but it seems to happen. i don't know if it's stress or if it's a lack of privacy? i like to keep things mutual but somewhere down the fine line i'm being unfair to myself. i guess i just need to get away or go on a vacation where i can purify my emotions without having people seeing me. silence is something i like hear. i usually get to explore my thoughts without being interrupted. and for a long time, i haven't had silence to get my thoughts clear. i'm constantly on the go. if i'm not working, i'm doing something else. silence is when i get time to relax. i like to meditate because the feeling i get from it calms me down so i'm not worrying about things i shouldn't be worrying about. my emotions work overtime everyday. i just get so worn out. my body suffers from stress. i just want get away so i can clear my conscious.
Im in this situation where I don't know what to do. I got pregnant and I married my child's father. I believe that I married him because I got pregnant not because I love him. I didn't say love because I dont think I know what love truly is. My real problem started when I was pregnant. I would talk to him on the phone and feel him drifting away from me. Before I got pregnant, I was with him for at least a year and a half. Now I feel everything is different with us. I rarely call him now. He rarely calls me now even though were married. I admit im not perfect. I've called him names, said things I shouldn't of and just didn't really respect him. I haven't been able to trust him ever since he cheated on me. How many times he cheated on me? I really dont know. I've thought about cheating on him just to get back at him but I have never even been close to doing it. Now he's telling me to loose weight. He told me "No fat people". He has a tremendous amount of influence on my self-esteem. I told him and his dad I want a divorce. I know I can't stand it anymore. I know I've gained weight but I was pregnant for at least 9 months. I believe he is cheating on me. We live far away from each other so for him to do that without getting caught is simple. He is really different now. He just doesn't seem to have any interest in me. I believe asking for the divorce is the best thing at the moment. I think he never ever liked me. When we were going out that first year he would talk about how hot other girls were, not me. I love my daughter and I want the best for her. At this moment, I don't care whether I meet another guy or not. I don't need a man to make me happy. All i need is my little girl. Although I feel this is just confusing for me. I dont know whether Im doing the right thing or not. I just feel he doesn't give two shits about me and my daughter.
I am a 24 year old female with the username phunk and I want to say ...
If i could be with you
I would hug you with all my love
passion adn desire
my heart burns for you an eternal fire.
not a day goes by without a thought of you
how i yearn for us to finally enjoy each other
to learn each other.
passion is crazy in my mind for you
maybe its something i cant have
something i must grab
its not easy to see you and not be with you
what should i do
hide from my feelings and let this go
wonder away and let this blow into the air and disappear into mist
i clentch my fist, for i fight myself every hour,
every minute.
wish i wasn't in this.
well tommorow will be another day... where my heart and mind will stray.
i dream of you and i
but all i know is deep down i'll just cry
cause my actions i show to you are a lie
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