i've been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past eight months. i've been feeling vulnerable to all of my emotions like i never really got to express myself during the times i needed to say something. where do i begin telling you what i feel? i'm 22 years old and i still have my life ahead of me to live. but how can i move forward when there's certain parts of my life that haven't had any type of closure? i've been searching for peace so i can live again. i know this sounds really depressing and alittle pathetic and all but these emotions are real. i'm still finding myself as we speak. i've changed over the course of time which has allowed me to explore and experience everything that i make of my life. i'm at a turning point where the road splits into two different paths. i've fallen to the lowest point of my life once before where nothing seemed to be going anywhere for me. i've had high points in my life but i've fallen short in keeping them into play. now, what i wonder is where am i going from here? i'm living out on my own. i'm raising a little girl who seven years old. i work full time. i don't have a lively social life but i'm surrounded by people who care about me. but deep down i'm sad. and what is it i'm sad about? i have to ask myself why do i feel this way? why do i continuiously keep putting myself down when i've done nothing but kept myself up to par? there's something missing in my life. could it be i'm sick over love? am i really missing that part of my life? i've been hurt in the past. i've had my heart broken and i've broken hearts myself. i've done the dating scene more than enough to say i'm tired of having guys come in and out of my life like it's the thing to do. but what i'm proud of is i never had any of these guys come between my relationship with my daughter. they never met her but they heard stories of her. i kept her away from all of that because i knew guys would run away with a woman with baggage. i'm just tired of all the bullshit that has happened. i don't want to feel like this anymore. i'm so depressed; my feelings are being surpressed because will i ever find that one person who will actually care? i want to love again. i want to find that one person who gives me butterflies. i want to feel like i'm being swept off of my feet. i just want to be held close so i feel protected. i want to know that i can trust this man even when i don't know what's going to happen. i want it all. and i know i deserve it because i've dealt with enough bullshit to say i know what i want and i'm not falling short by not getting what it is that i need. and what's important too is i want to be able to give my love in return without feeling like i have to protect my heart from being broken again.
I am a 17 year old female named Candace and I want to say ...
For a moment I felt like you were here again,
For a moment I felt like I had nothing to fear again,
But then I realized that your nowhere around here,
And from my eye I shed a silent tear.
We gave a toast to innocence,
Said we’d get so wasted we’d forget all about this,
We gave a toast to pain,
And our eyes went vacant as we recalled memories with snow and rain.
And for a moment we felt alive,
Like somehow we’d survive,
And for a moment we were back at school where this all started,
We relived the whole year and I cried as I remember the day you departed.
We said we’d never change and that we’d always be there,
We said we’d always love each other,
We promised each other we’d always care.
And for a split second I thought I felt your arms around me,
And for a second I felt secure,
And for a second I couldn’t see,
For my vision was clouded with sights of you and me.
We said we’d never lose each other,
You promised I’d never have to cry,
You promised me that if I ever jumped,
You’d join me in the sky.
And for a moment you were here again,
And for a moment I cried,
And for a moment you held me in your arms,
And told me that in you I could confide,
And I said…
What happened to our memories?
The feelings I felt now feel like lies,
How did we ever lose something like what we had?
I promise you I never once cried,
And I promise you that if I ever say I didn’t love you,
I’d tell you that I lied.
And in that moment you promised to always be,
The only one I’d ever need,
And that you’d always be there for me.
I am a 25 year old female named Martine and I want to say ...
everyday i live with the pain of emptiness. i'm still reminded with memories of happiness and saddness. somewhere down the road i lost some part of me. i can't say i'm living if i'm still living in the past. but when i look back everything happened very fast. i never got a chance to ask why? what i feel now is the same feeling i feel today. i still love him. does this make me insane? after six years i still want to be with him. after these six whole years, i can't see myself without him. and only these six years i haven't even spoken to him. how do you explain to the person you love that you're still in love with them?? it hurts everyday knowing i can't be with him. i feel as if i shouldn't have let him go. but i let him go for the right reasons. i loved him so much i knew we both needed the time to grow. now i can only wait to really know if he'll ever come back to me. whenever i go out on dates i find myself comparing these guys to him. i can't help it. i know it's fucked up and just wrong to even do this but it happens. i can find this guy to be very nice and very geniuwine but something stops me from persuing anything serious with them. first of all, i don't want guys coming in and out of life because i have a daughter to take care of. second, i start to lose interest in them because they become to needy. meaning they start to act like babies and i find that to be very annoying. anyway, i'm blabbing because i'm still trying to find the source of my saddness. i want to be happy again. i want to be able to love again. until i find the one person i can honestly be with and except me for who i am...... well i just might move on and live again. it sucks to feel this way. i can't explain this to anyone because when i did they just said to let it go. well, as much as i want to just let it go, i really can't let him go. i love him and i will always love him. until i find someone who is better than him i can only be alone because i don't want to hurt anyone with false emotions.
ever since that moment you walked into my life, from that very moment you looked into my eyes, you kissed me and you held me close. you told me everything was going to be fine....and all the confusion disappeared. since that moment...life has made so much more sense.
You bare me your soul, you show me your heart, you share with me your deepest fears and your wildest dreams, and you do it looking straight into my eyes... your love has brought me to a place i never dreamed i would be....
I've fallen in love with you, even though i promised myself i would never fall in love.
I never thought that i could love someone as much as i love you.
I never thought that someone could love me as much as you do.
All those years of searching for someone, all those times when i had to hold myself and cry bcuz my heart had been broken, and broken, and broken again.. i never thought you would find me.
You've opened me up, and im scared that you and the world will see my vulnerability because deep inside, there's a lost, sad little girl dying to be loved, & only trying to find her way in this life.
Im so deep in love with you now, that if you were to ever leave me, or should we ever break up, that would be it; there would be no reason for me to even try and replace you, bcuz your love is King, and i've crowned you with my heart. You loved me, you believed in me, you kissed away my tears, and held me tight enuff i forgot what it was like to be afraid of lonliness.... so if you and i were ever to go our seperate ways....i would Never love again.
Im so deep in love with you now, that if you asked me to, i would go with you anywhere, come hell or high water. Its come to a point where i want to be your everything, i've Got to be your everything, because anything less wouldn't be enough. I would do anything for you to love me this way-- but then again, i wouldnt bcuz this love has consumed me, and i dont know when or where i will catch my breath. im so lost without you baby... and i cant even let you know- cuz, then i would be vulnerable, and you would be able to hurt me-- which may be inevitable, since this love has consumed almost all of me anyway....
i pray that i will find peace within myself so that you just continue to love me, continue to be by my side, cuz im so deep in love with you now, there's no way i could Ever let you go.....
My days did seem brighter since you've began to walk along with me..
but now those days will no longer be and merely turn into another sad memory..
i write these gathered words in an effort to confess, how i feel..
no tears are yet shed but my broken heart may bring gloomy clouds
and rain drops might fall somewhere down this lonely road i fear..
as the sunrises and sunsets brings beauty in the sky..
you had once brought the same essence and painted bright colors on my desolete frowns..
I thought i saw it in your eyes when you looked at me..
as i felt the passion that once burned intensly inside of me
desperate desires that i had kept secret
the sexual attraction got me close..
but i guess we'll never discover the hidden secrets nor adventure the places that i yearned for
i was so afraid to show you how much i desired you next to me..
.. and today it was proven to always trust my gut feekn'
Can you choose who you fall for.. and can you choose when to fall and how?
guess if we had that choice..i wouldn't be here writing another sad poem of love...
wish i knew when to hold back and when to just let it all go..
..wish i saw you first -so it wouldn't be i havin' to let u go
wishing i knew the reasons why men tell many lies..
I now only know the heartach that persist..
and persist to be a part of my life..
not even searhin' for a man nor want to fall in love ..
..yet when i take chance at learnin and tryin' someting new
i end up singin another sad love song..
A precious gift that was given to me.
A gift that can only be given once to a person. A person just like you and me
A thank you is what they expected to heard and success is what they expect to see
but haven’t they forgotten that they too are responsible for what they make out that gift to be.
While others were wrapped in golden ribbons and shinny sheets of silver.
I in the other hand was tossed in the trash. Left behind and ended up with strangers.
Yes that's right with complete strangers.
I was rejected like I wasn’t good enough or at least that’s how it seemed to me.
When all I really needed was you and daddy to stand by me.
To love and secure me, to help mold me
Into what a pleasant little girl is supposed to be. But instead, a tragedy
I became what was shown to me. A deformation
In disfunction that stands aimlessly.
Without a clue to why this gift was given to me my pained devoured me
And I found myself addicted to the poison that relieved me of being me
Uncomfortable in my own skin I lost hope as the faces of betray and grief surrounded me,
some call them my family, and you my grandma the one I depended on,
you deserted me, you didn’t think twice and turn your back on me,
you robbed me of the last bit of trust I had left inside of me.
That’s what made it so hard
So hard, that I saw no path to my sanity.
During holidays
Money is thrown my way and excuses are tossed into my hands.
But they have no meaning for
Little naive, and insecure minjee is no longer around
Where could she be where has she gone.
Sweet little passive XXX is no where to be found
Perhaps she's hiding
Maybe she's hiding under a rock, in desperate need to close the door
To the agony and pain she carried all her life.
But guess what I’m here and I’m not hiding
I’m standing here as
A bright young woman,
A strong single parent with aspiration and dreams for her future with her son.
And you know what this xxxxx doesn’t give a rats *** if you don’t want to help her wrap the
Precious gift that was given to her.
That’s right! The precious gift you once called life.
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