i've been with my bf for the past year. I moved in with him in july, but our relationship has always been kind of rocky. I know that i care about him, and i know he loves me, we've been through it all and back, but sometimes, i find myself wondering if im even in love with him anymore. I want to move out, and eventually break up, but then, when i go home every night and he's there pulling me to him, looking into my heart and telling me how much he loves me, how much i mean to him, and how he wants to be with me forever. Im only 20, and im a realist too. i know that at 20, this isnt a "forever" thing (at least i hope not) -- but im torn becuase he's my first love, and i've seriously gone thru hell and high water with and for him.
i dont know how to leave him without him freakin out and trying to make it impossible to leave -- bcuz i've tried, but then i always come back because 1) he's the only one i've been with for a long time 2)i live with him 3) sometimes, i just think what it'd be like without him and i just get heartsick that i wouldn't be waking up in his arms anymore and 4) He truly makes me feel like he wouldn't b doing so well in his life without me there.
just like every couple we have our ups and downs. But, we're so much alike, its getting to be irritating. lately when we argue, i just find myself giving up, and thinking of those days when i was single and didnt have no man to take care of. I'm comtemplating having an affair (since im practically married) --but its not really in my character to cheat on someone i love. id rather break up first--- i just dont know How to do it, or even If thats what i really want.
i guess im just confused, --i love him so much, we almost had a baby, and i take care of him like he's my husband... im just... argh! smothered i think. its my first bf/gf relationship, and its just really intense. eh, im not really looking for advice, just venting. WHy ArE ReLaTioNsHiPS sUmWaT a StRuGGLe 2 MaIntAiN?!
now that we live together, its like BAM! "oh, right, this is who i AM" --and i wonder if we only stay together because its habit, its routine, its comfortable, its something we're used to.... He knows me so well, he can deal with my little "temperments" and i can read him like a book as well. i know we still love each other, sometimes i feel that we just fell in love too quick,
so my main question is... should a couple stay together if they have to work extra hard to maintain it???....what happens when the honeymoon is over..?
ha! i wanna vent about this jerk that ditches me, comes up with a sorry excuse, and after the incident is still talking to me saying he's sorry, and feels like ****, and now its like nothing ever happened, wtf?!?!
yea, i've been talkin to this guy via myspace, we decide to meet and his just bails out[after the first not even 5mins], for no apparent reason, thats never happened before and i've never had someone do that to me, people love me[ and im not tryin' to sound conceited or nothing either here] people tend to like me is all..
well his excuse was i look nothing like my pics, well my roommate of 4yrs. and everyone else i know will tell ya i look the same and alotta my friends are sometimes too honest if ya know what i mean, so that excuse makes no sense.... and im at this point where its like, why lie to people, liars eventually get caught so whats the fuckin point right? i have nothing to hide.......
but hes been talkin' to me ever since that day, and he's back to this "hey sexy whats up" ****
so wtf was his trip and wtf is going on here??
gaaah, im so lost......
America is, without any doubt, a great country. However, it has managed to trample so many innocent lives to become so. This country is more concerned about the out cry of other countries when it's own cities are dying. I feel as if the countrie's unity is begining to scatter. People among all races are becomming more and more open about their racial bias. I can't even walk down the street without someone aiming a belittling look my way. I fear the fall of this great empire. Never to be completely destroyed, but surely beaten. Why? All because we the people can't stand to be the people. Maybe I'm just thinking to deeply... what would you say?
Rude people suck! They have some serious issues that innocent people like me shouldn't have to deal with. I'm pissed off because today at work some ***** was making a big stink out of a no big deal problem. You see, we have this policy at our store that we don't have a public restroom. We used to but our customers were making a mess of it. My supervisors told me to only let little kids, pregnant women or people with a real emergency use the restroom. Well this ***** asked me if our ladies restroom was working. Originally, I thought she asked if we had a restroom so I answered that we don't. Then she bites back and tell me that thats not what she said, that she knew we had a bathroom and was asking if it worked. I just said no it didn't work because thats what one of my supervisors told me a while ago to just tell them its broken. The ***** wasn't arguing at me but complaining to her husband or whatever right in front of me while she was checking out saying something like, 'she said there was no bathroom but I know that black girl let me use it once'. I was like 'oh ****'. She was apparently talking about one of my supervisors who is I think of Indian decent. This ***** was African American, like most of our customers. I was all nice to her when checking her out. After she paid she asked for the store's phone number and actual number of the store and I did so ever so politely. She even said 'thank you' afterwards. I tried to shrug the whole incident off afterwards. I was going to tell my boss about it before I left to laugh about it but I forgot thinking it wasn't that big of a deal. But when I got home and was eating my dinner, my boss called me about the big stink that that ***** made over the phone. My boss said she was talking for 10 minutes without a breath apparently talking about me. She made it into some racial issue and accused me of not letting her in the bathroom because she was black. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID PEOPLE NEED TO GET OFF MY BACK! I felt so angry inside I just wanted to punch the wall and then hide underneath a rock and cry. My boss told me that from now on make it clear that we don't have PUBLIC bathrooms. I hate rude people! Why does that ***** have to complain like that?! Why does she have to make me cry and want to punch a wall?! It just sickens me the kind of behavior some people have. What is she planning? To take me to court, get me fired and sue the company? That ***** must me dreaming. Why do people have to be like that? WHY?!!!! I'm just glad that after 4 weeks I'll be able to look for another job because thats when my classes and internship ends. Hopefully I'll be able to work with nicer people at a vet clinic or at least hide from them and play with the animals. I just had to vent that out. I think I feel better now. Thanks for reading.
I have a friend that I have known for all of her life and most of mine. Recently she has gotten WAY out of hand when it comes to her sexual exploits. For instance...she is only 23 and, at last count, she could REMEMBER 27 men that she has slept with. Half of those are one night stands. That is only counting PENETRATION and doesn't include females that she has slept with. Recently she got "drunk" (2 drinks) and let 2 of my friends double-team her while she beckoned a 3rd friend to join in. What sickens me is that I had slept w/ one of those 2 guys just a few weeks before that.
Compared to my friend I guess I am a prude. I have only slept w/ 3 men in my entire life and 2 of those I knew for at least 2 years before I took that step. To know that I have slept w/ the same guy she has sickens me. Although we did use condoms for the intercourse there was unprotected oral sex.
I just moved to this town at the end of may and I still am not used to it. I still feel alone and like all hope is gone. I don't have any friends here, and I really don't even know anyone. The only human contact I have is with the people I work with. Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I wasn't here at all. Just not even living. I hate being alone with no one to share things with. No one to laugh with, be silly, go watch a movie. I feel like I'm locked in a small room with out any light. I am in the dark totally alone and the only noise I hear is the faint sound of life passing me by on the other side. What am I going to do with myself?
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