I just had a really great night. I got off of work and I noticed I had a call from a guy. This guy and I are in a weird stage of a relationship. We kiss and have fun together, but we're still playing the game. You know the game, I know you do. The one where you don't call for a few days, see if they call first. They don't and you wonder what's up, if they stopped liking you. That game.
Anyways. So he called, and I went over (mind you, it's already 2am). He drank a few beers and I had a few glasses of wine, and just talked about random things for a while. We stood outside and made fun of the bats flying around in random circles. Just silly, goofy things.
Soon we realized the sun was about to rise. We drove to the ocean and snuck into some closed yacht club. I suggested climbing onto the roof, so we did. We had the bay in front of us, Boston to our left, and the sun on our right. It was so beautiful, so serene, so tranquil. The moment was just so... perfect. The water was calm, the city was quiet. Just the two of us on a roof, gazing at the ocean, with the pinkish orange sun climbing over the treetops.
He made me feel cute. I was wearing a sweatshirt and I had my hood on at one point, and in that moment, I felt like the girliest, giddiest I have felt in such a long time. I could have just melted into his lips. I couldn't stop smiling. We kissed and it was perfect. I couldn't stop smiling as we kissed. I couldn't stop smiling on the entire drive home. I couln't stop smiling everytime I thought of those wee hours of the morning at work the next day. Even right now, I'm smiling. He made me really happy. And he didn't even do anything.
The next day I decided it was official, that I really like this guy. That maybe we should stop putting off the phone calls and playing hard to get, and I should just say, "Hey, I had a really great time with you the other night. I really like you, you're one hell of a cool guy."
But then he didn't call. For some reason I'm just not too worried about how this just might turn out. Back to the game it is.
I'm a 35 year old married man now, but back when I was under 25 I worked in a factory, this one guy started comeing on to me. At first I just brushed it off, but after awhile I started getting interested. At first at shower time it was a slight touch, then it started getting heavier, it was plain what he had in mind. Then one weekend he invited me to his cabin on the lake, I knew what was going to happen, but at that time the thought was exciting, and I went. That weekend I had my first man on man experience, after the first time I felt ashamed and embarrassed, but before the weekend was over that has passed. After that weekend he never tried me again, and shortly afterwards he left the company. I forgot about it. A little later I got married to my at that time girl friend, she never knew, and still doesn't. But last saturday her and I were at that same lake and who should come walking by, the guy that I had given my manhood to. He never said anything, just looked at me and winked, I felt embarrassed but aroused at the same time, then he said, well I see that you're married also, and then walked over to a good looking redhead. Its hard to run away from your past.
ok so i am a really horny person, and i got fingered by my boyfriends best friend, and my boyfriend found out. and he says he doesnt hate me but he wants an explanation and i dont know what to tellhim. please help
So back in December I made this big mistake. I met this guy and he told me he didn't have a girlfriend, I belived him I wanted to. I ended up having sex with him. The nexts day he writes me and says his moving to Georga to "take care of his dad who got in a car accident." I didn't really belive him and I told him that. Then he tells me that "if I'm going to be that way and treat him bad because he has to go take care of his dad. He didn't want to talk to me again." So I wrote him back and said sorry and all that stuff. Then a few weeks later I get a instant message from him saying he wanted to see me. I again made a mistake and had sex with him. I was so stupid to belive anything he said. I was one day browsing his site of his and looked at this one girls site that was on his friends list. it had said I am moving to Georga with my boyfriend, I heart with the person name. I was so mad that he lied he really did have a girlfriend. Well I should say its his wife now. I haven't talked to him sence and I have never said anything to his wife. I still feel like I am a horrible person for what happened. Eventhough I didn't know he was involed I still feel bad about it. Its not so much about feeling bad for myself, but that I feel bad for this girl. He cheated on this girl he's spose to love.
I am a 21 year old female named Katie and I want to say ...
From when I was about 2 till when I was 10 or 11, I lived in fear to lay down on my bed at night. It started out very frequently, maybe 4 or 5 times a week, and then slowed dissipated. When I knew that I needed to sleep, I would go to my room, lay on my bed, close my eyes and try to sleep. Sometimes, it worked. But other times, the most inexplicitly horror happened instead.
My mind starts racing absolutely uncontrollably. I find myself unable to control or understand the almost hundreds of people’s voices saying different things in different tones and languages flying around, racking my brain to pieces. If things aren’t already horrible enough, at the same time, physically, I feel the feeling of someone grabbing my wrist, but it’s that same feeling all over my body, like someone is both pushing me down, grabbing me, and laying on top of me, so I feel completely paralyzed. This is just the beginning stage (I would soon figure this out as I grow older), so, by this time I’m usually trying to scream “Mom!” as much as I can before I can’t talk anymore, but as much as I cry to scream, I would be lucky if a little whimper came out of my mouth. But the worst part is about to come: I try desperately to have the slightest bit of control over my thoughts and actions by concentrating on one particular movement I want to carry out. Normally I could think “I am going to move my leg” and a second later, I would move my leg. However, during these episodes, if the thought even barely, barely crosses my mind, that part of the body flings to the bed, the wall, whatever I’m surrounded by. I would start the thought of “okay, I’m going to try to slowly, carefully move my arm…” to try to slow down this speeding rollercoaster-type horrible experience, and in a blink of an eye, I’m not kidding, my arm would jerk so fast to who knows where. But, whenever this happened, I could feel a huge difference mentally and physically, like there definitely was something THERE controlling my movements and reading and controlling my thoughts. When you fast forward a movie or tape etc., you can see exactly how I felt during these times. Time was tremendously sped up… it’s the hardest thing to explain, but at these moments, the presence of time was so different… I got a somewhat airy, stomach-turning, feeling because I could actually feel time fast forwarding but my mind was kind of observing all of this, like it was on the outside, watching and feeling all of this happen. Well, even if you don’t understand fully what I’m trying to convey, hopefully you at least understand that, by this time, all of this made me extremely nauseous.
All my thoughts were focused around trying to slow myself down. I kept just thinking very slow thoughts and movements, then my mind slows down extremely abruptly and now I’m trying to speed myself up! When the slow phase happens, it almost feels like your dying. Even when I would blink, my eyelids seemed to be shut for ages because my actions were so incredibly slow. Often time when this happens I actually think that the fast part is better, but the whole experience is just absolutely horrifying. I feel like I can hardly breathe, and I can feel this enormous pressure all over my body, controlling my every move. I feel weak, dizzy, nauseous, out of breath… it is just indescribable!
After this happened a couple times, I tried to explain it to my family (I can imagine that I didn’t do too well, being that I was only 2), and I had referred to it as “the fast and slow thing”. Whenever my mom would come in my room and catch this episode happening, she didn’t know what to do, but she tried nearly everything. After a couple years, she started thinking that the cause of my pain could be demons, ghosts, the devil, etc., so when it would start again, she would call out “In the name of the Lord, I command you to leave!” And, miraculously, this usually worked about the third or fourth time she said it. When years passed and I became older, the “fast and slow thing” gradually started happening less and less until it was gone.
Im a 19 year old female from New York. My childhood is slightly messed up. I have tried to erase the memories but you know its impossible to do that. I'll start at the age of 5: My dad had friends, they were Indians, his son was probably around the ages of 10-12 years old. He told my brother and me to follow him up to his room. So we did. He told my brother to lock the door. Then he told me to take off my pants, and I said "no". Knowing this is wrong. So then he's like you want to lay in my bed? Im like sure, no knowing why I said such a thing because I was 5 years old. So under the covers, he reaches for my pants and I get nervous and say what are you doing? He says nothing you can see mine if I can see yours. Im like no. But he touched me down there and I hated it. He showed me his penis, and I was grossed out. My brother didn't do a thing, he was young probably around 8-9 years old. He stood look-out at the door. After he was done, everything was supposively fine. Years later, I was in 7th grade. I somehow got involved with this guy who was a junior in highschool. I liked the idea of an older guy- more mature. I won him over my bestfriend- and I don't even know why- I guess I liked the attention he gave me. He used to make me do thing- take out his penis and say "look its like a joystick, see touch it" i was infatuated with everything- even though he wasn't good looking- he was just older than me. A year later in 8th grade- a guy on AOL IMed me and said hey, Im a model-wanna see a pic? I go -yea sure, because I was with one of my bestfriends who egged me on to do it. He was really good looking- and then he said he modeled for JCPenny- which made me laugh a little too hard. But he goes, I live near you? then i said how do you know where I live- and he's like you live in meadow road. I was scared...I had no idea who this was--and he lived only a block away from me. Shortly after we met. He was so nice- but refused to drive- at the time he was 19 and I was 14. He walked everywhere...which was creepy at the age of 19. So a couple weeks past, and we spent so much time together. Late night he said we should meet behind the church- so I did- I walked about 7 blocks to get there by myself at 10 o'clock at night. He was there- waiting- we began making out. He laid my on the wet ground- and then reached his hand down my pants- I was like what are you doing? and he goes doesn't that feel good? and i go no I have my period! he goes no, it doesn't matter and continued to do it- I was scared he was ontop of me holding me down- finally i pushed him off and said "i need to go" he screamed at me and said "**** you, *****!" I walked home, and so did he. A year after that- my friend was talking to a guy who had the sn Abercrombie and some numbers- she thought he must be hot because of the name abercrombie. I was nervous when she said that he and his friends were comeing to get us from up north. I was like are you crazy! don't you remeber what happened last time with that kid. Shes liek yeah- but this won't be like that. I trusted her. They came in a black jeep-about 3 guys in a wrangler hadda squeeze 3 girls in too. It was tight- we met everyone and they all seemed nice- some less attractive than others but nice. They drove for about 45 mins. to where they lived up near Oswego. It was a long drive. We got to an apartment- there were 2 more guys inside. By the age of 14 I have drank a little bit but thats all. These guys gave us free beer, free cigg.,free liqour-anything to get us girls fucked up. It worked- next thing you know I am in the room with a 25 years old man. He has a girlfriend and a daughter. He looked old. He fingured me for my first time and blood was all over his bed- because it was my first time. I was soo wasted. I looked above the bed and it said on a wooden plaque "daddys little girl" I cringed at the thought of him being a father. While I was only 14- but I told him I was 16. Thank god he didn't have sex with me. Unlike my other friend who had sex for her first time at the age of 15. It was messed up. To think before this happened we used to go party with them every weekend. Ever since me and guys have had weird terms- I strive to impress them- I go out of my way to impress any guy in the littlest way. The sad part is I am married, and my husband is away in Iraq. And I have cheated on him multiple times. I feel sorry- but don't. I look at it this way :I waited the first time and said I would never do it again. Now Im doing it again- and I can't do it. I love him- but I need to feel needed, desired, wanted- looked at. I am an attractive girl-italian 5 foot 5 brown eyes, but I am married and still getting with guys...I have been diagnosed with depression and insomnia- these have changed my eating habits and I find it hard to eat a sandwich somedays. My life has fell apart since the age of 5. it has gotten worse than better- now things seem to be heading down hill and its because of me.
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