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damaged
on the 22nd of april it will be 3 years since i was raped. my mum and dad had to go away for a wedding so i had to go stay at my cousins for a week or so. previous to that they had lived in america for two years. so out visiting in australia was my uncles boss and son who was 18 at the time. over the first few days they werwe in and out visiting sites but on the 5th day my cousin had to be dropped in the city for a holiday camp she was going on. with my uncle at work and my aunt dropping my cousin in the city then going for lunch they aid that they would mind me. i got up that morning and went to have a showe. as i got out i put the towell over my face to dry it, all of a sudden i was pushed, i slipped and fell on the side of the bath and was knocked unconscious. wehn i work i was lying on my back with the boss on top of me, he told me not to scream or he would kill me. as he had his way with me he told me the reason i was here was to be fixed, cured because i was broken he told me my parents wanted this he told me id been bad. at the time i was only 13 so i was still a virgin so the pain made me cry he took this as defeat and went haerder and harder till he came. after he pulled out he slapped me and told me i was a discusting and beyond help he told me my parents would be so dissappointed and my friends would hate me he said for my parents sake he was willing ot to tell anyone how i was too "broken" to fix. he made me lick the cum off him and left. i went back into the shower made it boinling till it burned got in and cried for an hour. the next night, my last night there i woke up on my stomache stied to the bed with a sock in my mouth. somewhere behind me i heard the boss say his son was willing to have a go at "fixing me" for my sake. his son entered me from behind this time up my a*se the pain was unbearable and i .tried to scream but it was left unanswered. it was the longest night of my life as each of them raped me again and again.
the way ive written just then makes it sound like i dont care, but the damaged he caused is irreprable. no one knows, and i keep my secret well hidden but since then i have tried suicide 3 times, cut myself, burn myself. i get something like 19 hours of sleep a week and often have to drink at night to calm myself down. im scarred forever and scared forever. i have slept with numerous guys in order to "fix myself" i cant help but believe him. 3 days ago i got an email with an attachment, it took me about 10 seconds figure out what the video was showing. it was me tied to a bed i shut it off before i saw any more. the reason i wrote this is just to get it out. ive tried everthing else to try get the pain out nothing works. sorry this is so long ive cut it down about a 1000 times. i put this in the hate category because i am overwhelmed with hate. hate for them and hate for myself.
category:
confessions
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hate
Comments
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
do something about it......whats the point of letting those who did wrong get away......stop hating...start planing.....give back what they deserve......life cannot start until it is done..goodluck........ronnie......xoxo
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
im so sorry to here that happened to you!
dont let them win, by becoming depressed and sleeping with guys to "fix yourself"
think to the future not the past!! as soon as you let go you can move on! good wishes
debby x
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
you know what there is nothing wrong with you. there is something wrong with them and if i was you i would tell my mom or some one.. well my mom would open a can of @ss woopen on them.thats messed up.i am sorry you had to deal with some **** like that. i wish there was some thing i could say or do to help.. well just know this this isnt your fault nothing is broken on you.. it is them that is broke and sick in the head and i agree with ronnie get back at them like ever hear that saying payback is a b$tch well it always is.. sincerely karla
verty says ...
I am a 30 year old Male named Bob and I want to say ...
You should go straight to the police, you know who those people are and they sent you a video so you have evidence. Tell your parents about this, show them the video, it will make them sad but they won't be angry with you. Those people who did this to you might have done it to other children too but those children might be hiding it, if you speak out it will give them courage to speak out.
What they did can never be your fault, you certainly aren't broken, they lied to you so it's time to let your parents know so something can be done about them.
ID:44FC0A
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
I am sorry that you had to go thru this.But there is help out there for you.Take the Video to the Police, you need to be talking to someone. There is nothing wrong with you at all.Like all situations put an end to what you are going thru by doing something about it and your Life will start. Best of Luck to you ......
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
You have proof, put those assholes away where they belong!!!! Tell your parents, they will not hate you...nothing is wrong with you...they (the people who raped you) are what's wrong with the world today. You will feel much better once you do something about it...think about it this way...do you want that to happen to someone else? You could stop history from repeating itself!! Be strong!! Good luck!
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
I have dealt with people who are controling since I was little. That is what makes these people do that. They want the control. That is the only reason they said that you were broken. The more they "break you down" the more they feel they are building themselves up. It makes them feel better and stronger. That is why they sent the video to you as well. They get a power surge by feeling that they can torture you with it and that you will stay silent. They feel they have power over you as long as you stay silent. Take that power away form them. Let them know that you are stronger than them and you won't deal with it any more. If you stand up and tell people and do something about it - that will take all of thier power away and keep them from doing it to others.
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
Hang in there, girl... things get better. I've been there and I now work with others who are, like you, going through this sh*t. You are not broken (I know it feels like it right now) and you are not alone. Please think about contacting a rape crisis center; you can use a fake name if you want to. You will get through this.
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
you need to tell everyone. Your parents the police everyone if they sent you a video thats all the evidence you need right there. You have all the power. You have the power to stay quiet or the power to get the justice you desrve. The only way you can heal yourself is if you close this chapter in your life. GO TO THE POLICE AND GET THESE SICKOS ARRESTED. If you cant do it for yourself just hink about this. They will do it again to another innocent girl untill they are stopped. Who knows maybe thier next victim will be just 11 years old. DO NOT GIVE THEM THAT CHANCE. you have the power to stop this evil. please i pray for you'r sake and the sake of others tell everyone. If you cant tell your parents in person this is what i suggest. Print out your confession and hand it to them. THEY MUST KNOW!!!
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
things will not get better untill you take the right actions to better your life. Get these guys put behind bars. My stomac is still turning just thinking about the horror you went through. I will pray for you to have the courage to do the right thing. They have more likely already had other victims as well you need to give them that stength. More people are conting on you than you think. I'm counting on you. For the sake of my own daughter tell everyone!!!
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
You have to get these sick bastards put away for life.It was not your fault.you were just a little girl.I am crying just thinking about your pain.If you want things to change then you have to do it.Stay strong and tell somone.You can do it.
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
I TOTALLY agree with all the above comments that say to get back at those ******* bastards. I hate that they are getting away with something so horrible. How can they live with themselves and even look in the mirror. ******* assholes! Man I hope you step up and have them arrested. For your own sake. I hope you have already made a step in letting someone know so that they could help you and save you from being depressed for the rest of your life. I want so bad for that to have never happened but what I want more is for you to close that chapter and move on to have a wonderful life where you can erase all those bad memories and come to terms with the truth which is NOTHING is wrong with you! You were an innocent victim. THey are the one's that have something wrong with them!Please don't let them ruin your life and any chance of happiness for yourself. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could be there to cry with you and help you understand that you are worthy of true, unconditional love. I'm so sorry. PLEASE step up and give them motherfuckers what they deserve!
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
It will be hard to tell the police about it,you need them to see that video so them horrible ppl can be jailed. There is always the thought of revenge on them(AKA killing them maiming them), but then you could be jailed for that. Don't hold this in, the pain it causes is atrocious. If your parents dont belive you go to the police. I'm sorry that has happened. Dont throw yourlife away by killing yourself. You have the right to hate them, but do not hate yourself. It was not your fault! You are not broken! Sleeping with tons of guys wont help anything, it will only hurt you, and possibleY get you a std.....
my thoughts and love go out to you, i hope you will do wahts needed
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
I would suggest committing suicide. you are obviously beyond rehabilitation. you probably have std's and will pass them on to other poor unsuspecting guys. you will probably never contribute anything to society either. so do the world a favor and just kill yourself.
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
whoever wrote this comment: I would suggest committing suicide. you are obviously beyond rehabilitation. you probably have std's and will pass them on to other poor unsuspecting guys. you will probably never contribute anything to society either. so do the world a favor and just kill yourself.
I dont mean to be rude but this is one disrespectful comment in my eyes, I wonder if this was your Sister in this Situation would you tell her the samething?? Didnt think so
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
For one on the comment that was made about she should do everyone a favor and kill herself, you should be ashamed of your disgusting selves. Keep your comments to yourselves you have no clue what she has been through and u never will.
Anyway
You Definitely need to tell your parents what happened, that guy may have said that they knew about the whole thing... total lie..just a way to make u not tell them. One thing you need to know that these sick bastards were telling you lies about u being broken and not to tell anyone because they would hate you. Im sure u know bye now hopefully that those were lies just so you wouldnt say a thing to anyone, thats how they make u feel tiny and feel like your nothing. Tell your parents, call the police... its not too late the sooner the better because they could be out there still doing it to other young girls and getting away with it. Its not your fault you did nothing wrong, your not broken. Once you get this all out you will be more relieved and it wont be so bottled up. Its not good for you to go having sex with just anyone thinking they need to fix you...The only person that can fix you is you. They are the ones that broke you by doing the stuff to you that noone should ever have to go through. You need to help yourself, get some help, talk to parents, police and get them put behind bars before they can do it to anyone else! ~Tammie
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
If you need a friend to talk to email me at donnyis4u@yahoo.com
what those people have done is beyond cruel and barbarric....first you need a support group...search for rape conventions, abused women, they can provide you with direction to professional and kind people that will be there for you for life....As a guy I can't imagine that happening to me.....this was an unthinkable act against the civilized world....You can still get these guys to pay for their crime...how many others are they hurting....If the law doesn't do anything here in the US if it did happen here, then you must get the power of the people for we are the power that elect our congressman, it must be taken to a higher level....if you have the strength to want to kill yourself than you have that strength to fight for your right to live a healthy normal life. If no one else will help you "I will fight for you alone" and I will be powerful as a nation on my own becaue I will be fighting for a great cause...I will have the power!!!!! let me not say anymore.
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
Wow, what sick f*ckers. Honey, there is definitely nothing wrong with you, they are the ones with something broken. Don't let them get the satisfaction knowing this has scarred you. You should tell your parents, they would fix it for you. Press charges on them, sue them. And you should get help. I hope you get better, and take action.
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
HI LADY.. JUST ONE ADVISE IF YOU ARE READY FOR A SUCIDE WHY NOT KILL THOSE FATHER AND SON AND THEN DECIDE.. I WILL HELP YOU WITH THAT...
"LET YOUR HATRED AND ANGER BLAST THE WORLD"
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
I hate hearing this happen to someone, anyone for that matter. There are some sick bastards out there, sadly you ran into two of them. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart that you have had to suffer from that the rest of your life.
You can seriously chage that though, I think you should do what someone on there already said.
Take that video to the police, something should be done.
Something simular to this has happened to me, I know how it feels, trust me I do.
I'm almost 16 and it happened to me when I was 14.
The guy that did it to me is now in Jail and charged for sexual abuse, assult and much more.
Now I feel better, but hwat happen will never leave you.
Much love
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
Have you gone to the Police Yet!!! I have been praying for you ever since I read this last week and I have been hoping that you have gotten the strengh to do the right thing. Please Please Please Go to the Police Tell your parents NOW. You must take action Please let us know when you finally tell someone Because evil needs to be stopped. Remember if the words are too hard for you to say just print out the article and give it to your parents!!! We are all behind you.
ID:A124D6
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
You have nothing to be ashamed of it is not your fault... What you need to do is go to the police and report them so this people can get what they desirve... You should also tell your folks about it if not some one that will listen there are people out there for those that were raped... There are people that care about you and want to see you live a happy life without pain and suffering...
ID:253F59
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
what happened to you is truly awful. That man said all those things to scare you. You have to know that your parents didnt want that; that they werent trying to "fix" you. Those two men are sick bastards who BOTH need to be put in jail. You should tell your parents or the police or someone...dont hate yourself for something you had no control over.
ID:AF3786
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
For starters who ever the sick demented son of a ***** who siad she should kill herself you are a sick heartless cold nasty ugly person!!!! as for you honey you need to go to your parents and the police there is nothing wrong with you you never neede to be fixed it was them that were broke and need to pay for the crimes they commited aginst you..I was sexualy assulted as a yong child and have been threw all the things you are facing i tied to deal with it on my own but there comes a point when you have to get it out and you will feel a sence of freedom you lost along time ago i know why you feel ashamed i still feel that way but I know now that i did nothing wrong I spoke up and i use the pain and all they feeling i have about it all to teah other women and men taht they are not the problem the assulter is the one in the wrong not the victum it will always be with you try to use it to make other childre and adults that aware that that type of behavior is never their fault it's always the violaters fault...take care God bless you on your path to recovey keep your faitn it got me threw alot when i stopped blaming myself and the world and put all the blame on the person who did those things to me ~another victum and someone who does care~
ID:120215
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
i agree with everyone else you need to go to the police about this it doesnt matter how long its beeen..and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and its not your fault that this happened to you. Be strong and put these 2 ment in jail where they belong. No one deserves to be treated like that i dont care who they think they are. Talking about it and telling someone will give you closure in the future.
ID:50967A
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
Reading this just made me feel really angry at the world.I think you should take that video and go to the police i dont know how your relationship with your parents is but im sure they would understand everything you did through out growing up if you told them what happened you are you grow form it! But if you choose to keep it to yourself your harboring the secret your just going to hate things and despise everything and everyone eventually there might be Other children out there that hes it done it to or has intentions on doing it to you could helpo them and put those sick bastards behind bars for a very long time that statue of rape is five years ill pray for you i wish you well
ID:1DFA9A
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
wow u made me want to cry im so sorry that happend to u just tell the police and ur parents ur parents wont be mad at u an forget about that i know is in ur memories but just think of the future not the past good luck.i wish u well.
ID:09068F
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
Do what you have to do to survive. They LIED to you. Did you feel broken before? Of course not. They LIED and DECIEVED you and TOOK ADVANTAGE of you. If you don't speak out then they could do it to some other innocent person. Please find the courage to speak up and get these devils behind bars where they belong.
ID:37C3F8
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
you need to make sure you take them down for what they did to you for the sake of yourself and all the other potential victims they will try to ruin. these kind of ppl arent even accepted in jail they all get killed by convicts serving life. dont let this ruin you. they will be in hell sure enough. its up to you to live your life the way you want. if u kill yourself you are just giving up. stand up for whats right you can make a difference in the world
ID:563397
Anonymous Coward says ...
I am an Anonymous Coward and I want to say ...
i know how it feels to be raped, its not anything you have done they are the wrong people. tell your mom please it will work out or tell someone you trust.talking about it helps i went to cousling.
ID:BE077C
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