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Carson
Just another request for help...
self reflection of cheating
Confessions
What's wrong with me?

Just another story...
i have known my husband since i was in high school. we have been togehter for 15 yrs and been married for 5 yrs. we have 3 beautiful kids together.
i moved out of my parents house be for he did. he helped me get the the apartment but he wasnt ready to move out just yet. that is what he told me. he finally moved in about a yr. after i moved in. when he found out i was pregnant with my oldest.
we have had our little arguments here and there about silly stuff , but about 4 yrs ago i felt that we were having problems and i would tell him about it. i would tell him that he never shows me any kind of affection, hold my hand, tell me loves me and so on. he would tell me that i need to stop thinking about stupid stuff like that and that i need to think about paying bills and other stuff. so i would blow it of but it really bothored me to the point where id be crying alot. i wanted his attention. i would also tell him that all he thinks about is sex, porn and having a threesome with another girl. i would tell him that the only time he would hug me or get near me is when we were having sex. while we were in bed getting it on he likes it when i do things to him which i didnt mind at all and he also liked it when i talked nasty/dirty to him. anyway he would tell me that he wants me to go and have sex with another guy and that, that would turn him on. i was like that is weird and why does he keep telling me this.
so one night when were in our room and he told me that again about me having sex with another guy, i would ask him, why do you keep telling me this? he would say is only beacause im horny. so i have asked him more that once if he has cheated on me and everytime he would say no. i would have dreams about him cheatin on me, but again i blew it of.
anyways, on a weekend my friend and i would go to the club like every other weekend or so (during that time we only had our first daughter) and of course we would have guys hit on us and had guys that would dance but some wanted me to go home with them and i would tell them that i had a husband so they were cool with that.
so one night we went back to another club and my friend met a guy there and he had a his friend there as well and we started to talk and i thought he was cute and so we exchanged numbers and for 4 months we talked. we havent done anything yet but he was paying so much attention to me that i liked it and i kinda started to like him. he knew that i have been having problems and he wanted to take my pain away and so on. finally we met again but at his job and my friend went with me because we were meeting her man there too. we all went back to his apartment, ( the guy that i have been talking to) we went to his room to talk and so on. he started to kiss me and in my mind i knew it was wrong because i was married and but i let him kiss me anyways. we started to mess around and we had sex and at that time i liked and i like how he felt and how it felt.
that night my husband called me on my cell and asked me where i was and that i needed to get my F *** home and he called me a B. i was hurt and mad, but i didnt care beacause i have had enough with him.
about a week later i decided to move out and take my daughter with me to my brothers house. i only saw that guy one time while i was at my brothers house.
my husband had called me on my cell while i was at work and asked me to please come home and i told him no. i told him that i needed to tell him something and that i would tell him later. i felt really bad for what i have done and i knew that he needed to know since we were married. so after work i called him on his cell and i told him about what i have done. i was expecting for him to yell, cause and call me names. i didnt get any of that. he just laughed and i asked him why he was laughing. he told me that he had cheated on my 3 years be for we got married and while i was pregnant with my oldest. i was so surprised and i was really hurt. i wanted to kick his *** because he kept this from me for so long. i know that what i did was wrong but i at least told him. he kept this relationship with the girl he worked with for a yr. or so. i was so stupid to think he would never do something like this to me and i trusted him. like i said i know what i did was wrong and i know that he trusted me as well. we finally decided to just sit and talk and talk things through and see if we could work them out. so i decided to move back in beacause i did really love him and we also had a daughter together and she needed her daddy.
so i told him that if we were to work things out that he needed to change some thins and to show me more affection besides being in bed togehter and that he needed hold my hand every once in a while and things like that. he said that he really wanted for us to work it out and that he would do anything to keep us happy and me happy.
so for a while sex was great!! we still have our little arguments like every other couple does he have our kids.
our realationship is better than it has been. we still have sex and its still good, but about a yr ago he decided to bring this thing up again with me having sex with another guy. i was like what is the deal with you wanting me to have sex with another guy? he says it makes him horny. i was like damn are you cheating on me again. he told me no. this time i trust him. so i said look you need to stop bringing this crap up with me and another guy. i told him that the only man i want to make love to is him. i only want to have sex with my husband and no other man. so he finally decided to drop it and he knew that i didnt like it. it took both of us a while to trust each other again. i know now that i do want to be with him for the rest of my life and i know that he wants to be with me for the rest of his life.

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